Weddings

[laboratoryqueen]

Bit of a mixture of a rant and a question to the girlies of the goat about this. Mainly brought about by the fiasco surrounding Goody's circus show plans.

Why do some women feel such a need to put so much effort, money and time into one day, their wedding day? Why do women get so nervous and stressed out by it?

Apparently the average cost of a wedding is 15k, why the feck would anyone in their right minds pay out that much money for a wedding. As far as I'm concerned the actual day means feck all, the important stuff all comes afterwards at making it work. I'd much rather have a little no nonsense do, close family and friends and then a huge pish up afterwards, not that I'm planning marriage or anything (don't go having a cardiac arrest Cooheed DT_Xtremez_14. I just think that the white wedding and all the fuss is a waste of money and time and is better spent working towards the actual marriage not the day itself. Am I the only to think like this, if so can someone explain why it's so important.

 

[grumpyoldb]

Don't know if I'm allowed to post in here, if not someone delete this coment.
Over the past three years, Mrs Grumpy has been running a florists. I got collared for doing the deliveries.
I cannot remember the number of weddings we did. We did the flowers at the church, the flowers at the reception, plus the button holes, brides flowers etc.

We have done weddings where £4k has been spent on just flowers.
It seems to start when the bride and groom start to plan the wedding for what they want, and then mum and dad decide that isn't good enough for our little angel. The happy couple then start to feel pressurised and it just builds up from there.

I have been in the brides parental home on the morning, and you just wouldn't believe the full blown family row that was going on.

Anyone planning their wedding should decide what they want, then tell the family to butt out. It is the bride and grooms day. Not mum and dads.

 

[firestorm]

Is it because women are inherently mental?

 

[John Lloyd]

Is it because women are inherently mental?

Unless you indoctrinate them as youth's. Having two of the ?Female type, my wallet has been under a shadow for the last 25 years

 

[The_Chicken]

I agree, Mrs The_Chicken and myself had a great wedding on the cheap at Gretna Green with just close family. My stag night ended up with the father in law, myself and a heart to heart. It was great and it cost us less than a grand. Why splash out a fortune on a wedding for loads of people you are hardly going to see again?

1st wedding was in Jamaica, and no, I didn't.

 

[lisab]

It really is up to the individual, thats what is called freedom of choice, what suits one person would be abhorrent to another! Not all women put such an effort into a wedding day but that doesnt mean to say they shouldn't afterall it is THEIR day so its up to them, if a woman wants all bells and whistles and white doves and swans, if she can afford it its up to her!!!

Speaking from the 'always the bridesmaid never the bride' point of view, a big flash do would not appeal to me, but that doesnt make it wrong for someone else!!!

 

[laboratoryqueen]

It really is up to the individual, thats what is called freedom of choice, what suits one person would be abhorrent to another! Not all women put such an effort into a wedding day but that doesnt mean to say they shouldn't afterall it is THEIR day so its up to them, if a woman wants all bells and whistles and white doves and swans, if she can afford it its up to her!!!

Speaking from the 'always the bridesmaid never the bride' point of view, a big flash do would not appeal to me, but that doesnt make it wrong for someone else!!!

While Goody can afford it, there are plenty of women who still opt for this kind of affair who can not afford it, so enter marriage with a sh1t load of debt and all for one day where they want to impress everyone with how big the wedding was, that's the only reason why I can think they'd do it. Yes freedom of choice but doesn't answer the question as to why a woman would choose to land a whole load of debt for one day, money which would be much better spent enjoying the actual marriage.

 

[grumpyoldb]

While Goody can afford it, there are plenty of women who still opt for this kind of affair who can not afford it, so enter marriage with a sh1t load of debt and all for one day where they want to impress everyone with how big the wedding was, that's the only reason why I can think they'd do it. Yes freedom of choice but doesn't answer the question as to why a woman would choose to land a whole load of debt for one day, money which would be much better spent enjoying the actual marriage.

One upmanship.
My wedding was better than yours.

 

[lisab]

While Goody can afford it, there are plenty of women who still opt for this kind of affair who can not afford it, so enter marriage with a sh1t load of debt and all for one day where they want to impress everyone with how big the wedding was, that's the only reason why I can think they'd do it. Yes freedom of choice but doesn't answer the question as to why a woman would choose to land a whole load of debt for one day, money which would be much better spent enjoying the actual marriage.

Because it is their choice! thats the way they want to do it! Yes it is stupid but it is their choice. Besides if we all wanted a quiet registry do all the ice sculpture makers and throne rental outfits would be out of business!!!DT_Xtremez_14:

 

[John Lloyd]

One upmanship.
My wedding was better than yours.

Yebbut, ultimately my divorce cost more than yours. Makes marriage costs seem miniscule.

 

[laboratoryqueen]

Because it is their choice! thats the way they want to do it! Yes it is stupid but it is their choice. Besides if we all wanted a quiet registry do all the ice sculpture makers and throne rental outfits would be out of business!!!DT_Xtremez_14:

Don't forget the Barbie pink horse drawn carriage rental firms :raf:DT_Xtremez_02:

A couple of my friends are starting to realise their wedding was a huge mistake, too late now though. They hired out a castle for the ceremony and five course sit down meal, her wedding dress was custom made abroad, she had several bridesmaids, my daughter (18 month old at the time) was flower girl, I think she ate more rose petals than she scattered. She had a wedding planner meet regularly with her and her mother to go through all the arrangements, flowers, feck knows what else. The bride to be ended up so stressed out at one point worrying about how perfect her would be she ended up quite ill. Her and the groom to be had worked horrendous hours overtime to pay towards the day, taking out huge loans on top to cover the expense. Yes the day was good, yes she did look gorgeous in her dress.

Only now two years later, they are still living in a tiny one bedroom private rented flat, working overtime still to try and afford repayments of the loans as well as normal living costs and have admitted that it's going to be several years before they can afford to move to a better home. She said there is no way they could even think about starting a family as they simply couldn't afford it and by the time they could afford to have a family and their own home, they'll be getting too old to start.

 

[busby1971]

Do it for yourself

Do it for yourself

The wife and I did what we wanted, had a great day fed all those that turned up and I walked around with a never ending glass of B&C, had a boogie and felt like crap during the 10hr flt the next day. If your relatives want something better then let them pay for it, they'll soon shut up.

Excluding Honeymoon all in for around 3 grand.

The more Miss Goody spends (she's probably not paying for it) the more she will get paid by Okay, unfortunately Mr and Mrs Normal sometimes think that they must emulate Posh and Becks when they don't. You can accommodate a lot of peoples expectations without breaking the bank.

 

[vim_fuego]

I have no problem with the amount as it all feeds the economy so the florist makes money, the bloke with the roller, the women in the bakery and so on...But I only have no problem if the money is already in the bank as LQ alludes to above if they go out and borrow 20k to pay for the 'special day' then they truly have no brains and deserve to have Cillit Bang squirted in their eyes in a bukkake fashion...

 

[Ex-Bay]

/rant on
Why oh why is it always regarded as the 'Brides Day' ? She gets into a ridiculously expensive outfit and he in a fashion that went out a century ago, chaos & confusion reign supreme and it's all very stressful. The idea that it is a 'new beginning' for her is way past its sell-by date.
/rant off

 

[Sniffer]

Got to say the big bash is not for me either. Me and Mr Sniffer booked it, packed it and fcuked off.

We'd already booked 2 weeks in Florida following a sports lottery win when Mr Sniffer decided 5 weeks before we were going that it might be a good idea to get married whilst we were there. (That is almost his exact words, romantic sod isn't he)!

Well he was ok in his black multi purpose suit. But I then had to get a frock, shoes and flowers.

We didn't tell anyone, parents, friends or relatives. We got up on the morning of the wedding, Mr Sniff got ready and disapeared downstairs while I got my frock on. We drove ourselves to the chapel, gave the my CD of 2 songs and got on with it. Then in the afternoon we went to Disney's Blizzard Beach. It was a bloody awesome day and not in the slightest bit stressful. Couldn't recommend it highly enough. The guys at the chapel we wonderful and considering all communication had been done by email, the day went without a hitch!

 

[RAF Bird]

I think I fall somewhere in the middle. My wedding day cost between 7 - 8k and it was an awesome day. I got married at Aldwark Manor Hotel in north yorks. The biggest amount was spent on the food and drink for everyone. I absolutely loved the day and so did the groom, all of my friends and family were there. In the morning all of my girlfriends, mum, sister, mother/sister-in-law etc came into my room and we all sat around drinking champagne for a good hour and half. It was lovely and so relaxed. I was 45 mins late for the wedding itself but as it was all in a hotel it was fine and made no real difference to the day. I would highly recommend it.

However that sort of a wedding is just not for some people and I can totally understand the people who just want to slope off and have a quiet doo. Ultimately I think as long it is what both of you want then that's all that matters. It is 'your' day and and you should enjoy it.

 

[Mrs_Monobrow]

I had what i would call lavish wedding but thats lavish in terms of our budget. My mum and dad had been saving for years towards my wedding and we did do things on the cheap. 4 bridesmaids, we got the dresses from a bridal store that was closing, 200 quid for all of them. My mother in law did all the food. No sit down meal just a buffet. She went to a cash and carry type place loaded up and did the whole spread for less than 200. She also made my wedding cake. We had the vintage car, the church, the local social club hall, banners and personalised napkins, confetti boxes etc etc but all of them were cheap compared to some prices quoted. Other than my dress, the photographer was the most expensive thing, (except the bar bill which my dad paid). My dress was paid for out of my recently departed grandads life insurance, a friend owned the vintage Jag that drove the bridesmaids, we were extremely good friends with the church vergers so little things like the ribbons and bows on the end of the pews were done for free. I guess what im trying to say is that it doesnt have to cost a fortune, shop around and you will be surprised by what you find.

The reason we spent so much on just one day? Because regardless of how you feel about marriage, committing your life to someone IS a big deal and it IS a special day for many reasons. Anyone that knows me will tell you that i am not a show off, i do not like being centre of attention but my wedding day was something i wanted to share with as many of my family and friends as possible. Lastly, it is also a big deal, at least to me because (no offense) it is something i plan on doing just once.

Oh and noone got in any debt because of the wedding.

 

[Gingerburd]

In am still hinting at Mr GB, he keeps turning a funny shade of white when I mention the W word. He mutters something and says have another drink, I keep telling him this long distance malarky is getting to be a pain, and I want to pop out a few mini GB's at that he looked he was going to cry.

 

[tats]

While Goody can afford it, there are plenty of women who still opt for this kind of affair who can not afford it, so enter marriage with a sh1t load of debt and all for one day where they want to impress everyone with how big the wedding was, that's the only reason why I can think they'd do it. Yes freedom of choice but doesn't answer the question as to why a woman would choose to land a whole load of debt for one day, money which would be much better spent enjoying the actual marriage.

My parents and his parents are paying for most of my sister's wedding so it doesn't really matter what she can afford it seems. I'm bored of the whole thing already, its been going on since the engagement last july, the party in august and now its all the crap that goes into it. Christmas was spent talking about her wedding, my birthday yesterday was spent talking about her wedding, oh but it doesn't matter cos 10 months tomorrow it'll all be done. DT_Xtremez_42:DT_Xtremez_35:

 

[FOGHORN LEGHORN]

other side of the coin

other side of the coin

i proposed on xmas morning. everything traditional, parents consent, months wages on the ring, down on one knee etc. we've set a date for 28th may 2011 and can't wait for the big day but are making the most of and enjoying being engaged. there are no pressures on us to do anything any particular way as we are both saving well and already have savings. if parents help then that is a bonus. i have told my lass that i would rather we didn't skimp on anything or compramise as we will regret it. i want her to have the day she's always dreamed of and that will make it perfect for me. after the wedding we will continue to save and then put that money to other use. as we have given ourselves 2 1/2 years to prepare we can spread payments and there will be less stress. already sorted venues for church, reception, photographer, video, etc. i'm over the moon, enjoying my engagement and looking forward to a magic day for me and my lass. what anyone else wants, thinks etc doesn't concern me in the slightest. as long as we're happy.
DT_Xtremez_19: