Mate that one has made me chuckle no end LOL!
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Mate that one has made me chuckle no end LOL!
Studley dangerfcuk
Flight Sergeant
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We had an "experienced" SAC up at Spud. In all honesty he was a good lad once we brought him down a peg or two.
We did send him on a station wide search for a compact paper combiner. Off he went in the landy to almost every section looking for the only one on the station. The poor lad took nearly 3 hours to track the elusive item down. He duly signed for it on a 668 and proudly brought it back into the office. The look of triumph on his face was quickly wiped off when he opened the box and found a stapler.
Studley
DT_Xtremez_30:DT_Xtremez_30:
We did send him on a station wide search for a compact paper combiner. Off he went in the landy to almost every section looking for the only one on the station. The poor lad took nearly 3 hours to track the elusive item down. He duly signed for it on a 668 and proudly brought it back into the office. The look of triumph on his face was quickly wiped off when he opened the box and found a stapler.
Studley
DT_Xtremez_30:DT_Xtremez_30:The Logitician
Corporal
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A classic many LAC's have had, the ID10T photo. Sent to photo section to have pic taken with respirator on holding a card saying LAC bloggs, service number, ID10T!
The last guy did'nt find it funny, niether did the bossDT_Xtremez_09:
The last guy did'nt find it funny, niether did the boss
DT_Xtremez_09:- 173
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A classic many LAC's have had, the ID10T photo. Sent to photo section to have pic taken with respirator on holding a card saying LAC bloggs, service number, ID10T!
The last guy did'nt find it funny, niether did the boss
played the bullying card I bet, fcuking losers like that make me glad that I am out in september
R
Rustysdad
Guest
I have lost count the number of first time tourists I have sent for a Falklands railcard when their OOA comes through, too easy!
As a Chef the puff pastry pump was always a good one too along with sending junior to a butch WRAF and asking to lend her fallopian tubes to skim the gravy, always ended in tears.DT_Xtremez_19:
As a Chef the puff pastry pump was always a good one too along with sending junior to a butch WRAF and asking to lend her fallopian tubes to skim the gravy, always ended in tears.
DT_Xtremez_19:
B
Boss Hogg
Guest
In MATELO at Pitreavie Castle, we had a spare Teleprinter underneath a bench. A then LAC, asked what it was for, and the Sgt, Barry Robertson told him that it was for Top Secret Messages! As was the nature of the work, when the said LAC was on the Traffic Desk a Top Secret message arrived via the lampson tube. We only found out, when a voice was heard from under a bench, asking how you switched the printer on!
Another LAC who was managed to get a dishonarable discharge - I think he could pills from the RMC for it, was put on the traffic desk. At the time, we had a MUFAX, a insecure FAX link with Bldg 118. A Confidentail signal arrived and he asked Barry what he had to do with the Signal. Barry told him to put in an envelope, stamp it up and send the envelope via the Fax, they would open up the envelope and take out the signal. Shortly afterwards Barry got a phone call from 118, asking why the hell they had just received a fax of an envelope!
Furthermore, we used to have great fun with Chads, the little round things from Teleprinter Tape. Favourite was to staple up the lining of a sleeve on a No2 jacket and fill it up with chads!
During a Wintex, up in the TRC, a Sgt handed a LACW a big bag of gash tapes, boxes of chads and a prit stick and told her to put the chads back in the tape as they were running out!
As for Kilts, I knew a RSigs guy who turned down a posting to the Black Watch, because he had been told that he would have to wear a kilt!
Another LAC who was managed to get a dishonarable discharge - I think he could pills from the RMC for it, was put on the traffic desk. At the time, we had a MUFAX, a insecure FAX link with Bldg 118. A Confidentail signal arrived and he asked Barry what he had to do with the Signal. Barry told him to put in an envelope, stamp it up and send the envelope via the Fax, they would open up the envelope and take out the signal. Shortly afterwards Barry got a phone call from 118, asking why the hell they had just received a fax of an envelope!
Furthermore, we used to have great fun with Chads, the little round things from Teleprinter Tape. Favourite was to staple up the lining of a sleeve on a No2 jacket and fill it up with chads!
During a Wintex, up in the TRC, a Sgt handed a LACW a big bag of gash tapes, boxes of chads and a prit stick and told her to put the chads back in the tape as they were running out!
As for Kilts, I knew a RSigs guy who turned down a posting to the Black Watch, because he had been told that he would have to wear a kilt!
S
spencer the fencer
Guest
Back in the day, many, many years ago, IX Sqn was a Vulcan B2 unit based on a windy hill in Lincolnshire a very young LAC single trade Av Mech (not myself I might add, wrong trade) arrived on the Sqn and generally made a pain in the ar$e of himself. In order to restore calm and order the FLM's decided to teach the boy a lesson.
The big bomber if you have ever seen one up close has a throw-back to the WWII bomb aiming system in that if all else fails there is a bomb aimers nascell under the nose so that one of the crew could lie in the nascell and using the switch nearby drop the bombs visually.
Anyway underneath the nascell are two bright yellow aerials and on the day in question, a particularly wet and windy day with flying cancelled and a storm coming in off the North Sea.
Young LAC was in the crewroom gobbing off as usual when one of the FLM's came running in in a terrible state shouting "were losing all the electrons on such and such a bomber can some body help".
Well young LAC was the only one not in on it, so when the Chief from the rects desk said to him "go give him a hand quick" young LAC jumped to it. Before he knew whats going on he was outside underneath the nascell with a washing up bowl catching all the electrons so they could be used againDT_Xtremez_30:
The big bomber if you have ever seen one up close has a throw-back to the WWII bomb aiming system in that if all else fails there is a bomb aimers nascell under the nose so that one of the crew could lie in the nascell and using the switch nearby drop the bombs visually.
Anyway underneath the nascell are two bright yellow aerials and on the day in question, a particularly wet and windy day with flying cancelled and a storm coming in off the North Sea.
Young LAC was in the crewroom gobbing off as usual when one of the FLM's came running in in a terrible state shouting "were losing all the electrons on such and such a bomber can some body help".
Well young LAC was the only one not in on it, so when the Chief from the rects desk said to him "go give him a hand quick" young LAC jumped to it. Before he knew whats going on he was outside underneath the nascell with a washing up bowl catching all the electrons so they could be used again
DT_Xtremez_30:dunbar1983
LAC
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One of the LAC's when I was working at Leuchars fell for the very same trick. Oh how we laughed. Also had one of them swear allegiance to the Queen holding a 50p in PSF cos there was no portrait of Liz to swear allegiance to and this was the only image of her they had. All because he thought he had to to get his SAC tabs.
O
Ogre
Guest
One day in a Northern outpost, Chiefy sent the two new JTs up to workshops to get a large sheet of plywood. It was an extremely windy day, but the two JTs struggled back to the office and left said sheet of plywood outside Chiefy's office while they went for lunch.
When they got back, Chiefy was not pleased. He said they'd got the wrong one, he wanted an imperial sheet of plywood and they'd brought him a metric one. So the two JTs struggled back up to workshops, manhandling this large sheet of plywood against the winds howling off the Moray Firth, and knocked on the workshops office door.
The boss of the workshops came out, looked at the sheet of plywood and asked what the problem was. JT1 explained that Chiefy had wanted an imperial sheet of plywood, but this was metric. Workshop Boss then proceeded to rant and rave about he had been given the wrong gen, the JTs should have checked before they left etc, then dissapeared into his office. Two minutes later he came back out with a pen and a post-it note, wrote the size of the sheet of plywood on the post-it note in inches, stuck it on the plywood sheet, and told the JTs to take it back to Chiefy as it was now imperial not metric.
Talk about a set-up!
When they got back, Chiefy was not pleased. He said they'd got the wrong one, he wanted an imperial sheet of plywood and they'd brought him a metric one. So the two JTs struggled back up to workshops, manhandling this large sheet of plywood against the winds howling off the Moray Firth, and knocked on the workshops office door.
The boss of the workshops came out, looked at the sheet of plywood and asked what the problem was. JT1 explained that Chiefy had wanted an imperial sheet of plywood, but this was metric. Workshop Boss then proceeded to rant and rave about he had been given the wrong gen, the JTs should have checked before they left etc, then dissapeared into his office. Two minutes later he came back out with a pen and a post-it note, wrote the size of the sheet of plywood on the post-it note in inches, stuck it on the plywood sheet, and told the JTs to take it back to Chiefy as it was now imperial not metric.
Talk about a set-up!
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Turned the horn from a Line Fire Extinguisher (Removed as it was a FOD hazard) into a wind sock cal tool complete with an F731 signed off by a SGT Freshair. The AET who was sent around from pillar to post was not impressed! 
Also sent an AMM off to an old school Snec with the hammer and 'I'm going to smash your head in note' it nearly went tits up as this Snec nearly took the hammer off the guy to do him in with it!DT_Xtremez_42:
Also sent an AMM off to an old school Snec with the hammer and 'I'm going to smash your head in note' it nearly went tits up as this Snec nearly took the hammer off the guy to do him in with it!
DT_Xtremez_42:Harry_R_Jumpjet
SAC
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New bubble for the spirit level, left-hand-thread metric adjustable spanner, can of steam for de-icing the hangar door padlock.......and so it goes on.
Oh, and the GDT rockape persuading the FNG (Effing New Guy, for those who don't know) that if he put the bullets on the ground next to the magazine and rifle, then gave the word of command, they would automatically place themselves, with the correct orientation, in the magazine. And that was why it was called the Self Loading Rifle. Kept telling the FNG that it wasn't working because he wasn't giving the word of command correctly. Cracker.
Oh, and the GDT rockape persuading the FNG (Effing New Guy, for those who don't know) that if he put the bullets on the ground next to the magazine and rifle, then gave the word of command, they would automatically place themselves, with the correct orientation, in the magazine. And that was why it was called the Self Loading Rifle. Kept telling the FNG that it wasn't working because he wasn't giving the word of command correctly. Cracker.
There are indeed so many wind ups.
Send someone to flood the runway as a sea plane was due to land.
Stand on top of a landrover with two dustbin lids with instruction on R/T from ATC to turn left or right as part of a radar check.
A great wind up involved an old Corporal who was sent a meno signed by Wg Cdr Ops stating that he had been selected as part of the Stations FOD detector team and that he was to go to stores and collect the kit. On no account was the kit to be opened unless an order was received from Operations. Off he went to Stores and signed for a sealed bag of crap. I think he carried it around for about 2 weeks before he realised someting was wrong..... happy days.
Send someone to flood the runway as a sea plane was due to land.
Stand on top of a landrover with two dustbin lids with instruction on R/T from ATC to turn left or right as part of a radar check.
A great wind up involved an old Corporal who was sent a meno signed by Wg Cdr Ops stating that he had been selected as part of the Stations FOD detector team and that he was to go to stores and collect the kit. On no account was the kit to be opened unless an order was received from Operations. Off he went to Stores and signed for a sealed bag of crap. I think he carried it around for about 2 weeks before he realised someting was wrong..... happy days.
S
Shiny arse
Guest
Having worked with Rockapes, and been permanent staff on an RAuxAF Reg Sqn I could believe that.
DT_Xtremez_40:Two part foam mix
Two part foam mix
Hours of entertainment were had at Neatishead R30 on nights sorting out the Scopie Officers "can" (reserved for them only) with firemans' foam. One mix in the header tank the other in the bowl. Amazing how much that stuff generated! And this was all before foam parties were all the rage.
Two part foam mix
Hours of entertainment were had at Neatishead R30 on nights sorting out the Scopie Officers "can" (reserved for them only) with firemans' foam. One mix in the header tank the other in the bowl. Amazing how much that stuff generated! And this was all before foam parties were all the rage.
P
peterd
Guest
Ever milked a billy goat!!
Ever milked a billy goat!!
I kind of knew that what I was asked to do was possibly dodgie, but anyway had just joined the Mountain Rescue section at valley, late '70s. The mascot at the time was a goat which just wandered around the out-buildings and did more or less what it pleased!! Anyway the lovely lads had me convinced that the goat was in actual fact a nanny and that I should milk it!! All I can say is the goat was happy and I was never aloud to forget that one in a hurry!!
Ever milked a billy goat!!
I kind of knew that what I was asked to do was possibly dodgie, but anyway had just joined the Mountain Rescue section at valley, late '70s. The mascot at the time was a goat which just wandered around the out-buildings and did more or less what it pleased!! Anyway the lovely lads had me convinced that the goat was in actual fact a nanny and that I should milk it!! All I can say is the goat was happy and I was never aloud to forget that one in a hurry!!
B
bravo-two-weirdo
Guest
Heard about an LAC being handed a piece of paper and a fire extinguisher. He was told to take said items into the FS' office and hand him the piece of paper. Little did he know that written on the piece of paper was "IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME YOUR WALLET RIGHT NOW, I'M GOING TO EMPTY THIS FIRE EXTINGUISHER IN YOUR FACE"
H
Hoof_Hearted
Guest
We used to do that in bogs by the airfield at Upavon which were used by the Spaceys when gliding at weekends.
Long stands, bubble for the spirit level, ring spanner for a left-hand thread, a father for the ******* file - all the old, but gold ones.