Strangest/Funny Tannoys

[Tom S]

Heard Coningsby mid 70’s

“All tennis rackets are to be returned to the station sports store immediately and balls to the SWO” followed by a silence measured in micro seconds before a snigger then “I say again all tennis rackets are to be returned to the station sports store immediately and tennis balls to the Station Warrant Officer”.

Halfway through the repeat the phone started ringing, wonder who that might have been?

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Heard Coningsby mid 70’s

“All tennis rackets are to be returned to the station sports store immediately and balls to the SWO” followed by a silence measured in micro seconds before a snigger then “I say again all tennis rackets are to be returned to the station sports store immediately and tennis balls to the Station Warrant Officer”.

Halfway through the repeat the phone started ringing, wonder who that might have been?

Wasn't that in a Carry-On Film?

 

[Oh sir]

Wasn't that in a Carry-On Film?

Yes it was.

Thought I'd heard it somewhere before, and it wasn't at Coningsby! DT_Xtremez_03:

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Wasn't that in a Carry-On Film?

along with:

"May the sun shine brightly up your valley"

to which we reply (all together now...)

..."and up yours!"

 

[Cluey Girly]

RAF Lyneham, about 7 years ago... first thing in the morning, just waking up over a good strong coffee, when all of a sudden over the tannoy comes of blast of "He he he he he he... WIPEOUT!!!" Followed by practically the entire track before the tannoy suddenly got switched off! God knows who it was, but it happened at least 2 more times in the same week!!

 

[Studley dangerfcuk]

Timely

Timely

Kinloss 1994,

Studley is a brand new LAC on his first guard. At 10am he is to be at the Ops Sqn controll of entry, so being a keen and eager young airman he decides to turn up 5 minutes early. He goes in and just when he's getting his field jacket off the well seasoned SAC who he is replacing thinks of a brilliant joke. The NAFFI wagon turns up and the guards pus out an internal tannoy "SBFB, SBFB the Naffi wagon is now outside selling a range of hot and cold beverages, sausage rolls, jock pies covered in grease. Be it on your own head if you want to try them. End of broadcast.
He then ran out of the door seconds before OC Ops payed me a visit and asked if I thought that it was funny. With a completly innocent and slightly bewildered look on my face, i asked him what he was talking about. "Is that not a normal tannoy Sir. I think he was somewhere between apopleptic and homicidal at that point, I'm sh!tting myself and ten minutes later I'm in front of Harry Staish,OC Ops, Oc Police and the Guard CDMR to explain my actions.
I was told to go after explaining and I heard them all wetting themselves laughing from the other side of the door.
This did nothing for me as I was still in a state of shock. Bugger.

Studley DT_Xtremez_09:

 

[wolfy]

Whilst posted to Akrotiri during the early 80's we would regularlly here on the station Tanoy Fire Fire Fire a Fire has been reported in the station burning area. How odd!!!

 

[BufferBird]

Falklands '92, just prior to the 10th anniversary 'celebrations'. An Ops Off, who was as pi**ed off as the rest of us used to make comedy broadcasts. The memorable ones were:

"SBFB, SBFB...I would just like to welcome the new RIC, the Worcestershire and Sherwood Forresters.....................................TIMMMBEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!"

I believe some humourless tw@t of a pongo officer complained because the comedy suddenly stopped.

As one of the Crew in the COC I can confirm the above, however, the hilarity stopped when said Ops Off said 'I say again for the hard of hearing...............
.......................................................................(bugger all!!!!)' alledgedly the pongo zob had a deaf child, sad, but hardly a reason to go off the deep end.

 

[stacker1195]

on board HMS illustrious during OP palliser one of the navy boys.... Robin hood was his disguise used the ships internal tannoy at all hours, broadcasting the delightful alarm clock wailling thinkgys that he had bought whilst in the middle east, there were only 3 places he could do it from I think, the reggies were chasing all over......

Dammit, I was just about to post that one!! You'll have been on the boat same time as me with III.

 

[roverboy]

Great thread!!!!!!

Here's a thought..... How would you know your Tannoy isn't working, if you can't hear the Test Tannoy??????

 

[Chuffybum]

Great thread!!!!!!

Here's a thought..... How would you know your Tannoy isn't working, if you can't hear the Test Tannoy??????

Very true, I've always thought that particular tannoy message was the most stupid ever.

Slightly off thread but back in the 70s at Big C we used to insert a needle through the cable leading up to the tanny speaker in the blocks. This effectively shorted out that speaker so we weren't disturbed when sleeping off night shift.

 

[ex-B/E-Fairy]

Cosford....circa 1960

Cosford....circa 1960

In the ITS wooden lines our Radio Cosford speaker was not working. Afraid that we would not hear "deck of cards" for the millionth time, we hooked up the "spare" speaker...........AbDT_Xtremez_35: out an hour later, duty electrician and his helper came by equiring who had been XXXXXXX with the speakers, well it appears we had hooked Radio Cosford to the Tannoy system, enough said.

 

[3Chordwonder]

The MGR at Uxbridge have just called us (seriously) and said..

"I'm sorry we can't put out your tannoy about the comms problem because the bloke with the best voice is out on the gate at the moment..."

Genius !

 

[Tin basher]

RAF Lyneham, about 7 years ago... first thing in the morning, just waking up over a good strong coffee, when all of a sudden over the tannoy comes of blast of "He he he he he he... WIPEOUT!!!" Followed by practically the entire track before the tannoy suddenly got switched off! God knows who it was, but it happened at least 2 more times in the same week!!

I remember that as you say around 2000 bloody song stopped me getting my kip as well. Never did catch the individual to my knowledge.
Was a bit of a grin thoughDT_Xtremez_30: No it wasn't me. DT_Xtremez_25:

 

[Al brum]

Leuchars, about '98.
At around 2am the linies on 111 were a bit bored so they decided to play some music on the HAS site tannoy as they went around BF'ing the jets ready for the first wave of the day......unfortunately several of the residents of St Andrews (just across the estuary) were not impressed and rang the guardroom to complain.