Strangest/Funny Tannoys

[Lamptramp]

The usual Monday morning Tannoy test at Coningsby circa 1970:

Usual patter - everything going well - time for sign off - Afro Caribean SWOs runner states:

"....... end of test. End of Guardroom!"

Boy did we wish it was true.

 

[Soupdragon]

early 80's, HMAFV Wellington turning round in the river at Great Yarmouth after returning from a target towing exercise

Cox'n spots 2 attractive blondes watching us manouvering, drinks in hand...

Cox'n to Capt (over the intercom) hey Boss, have you seen whats on the back end of the CS? (Celtic Surveyor, a notorious floating pub)

Capt to Coxn OHH MYY GODDD!!! IVE GOT AN ERECTION!!!!

Cox'n to Capt: errrm Boss.... you know we are on Priority Intercom?

Capt to Cox'n: OH FCUK!!! HEADSETS - QUICK!!

Cox'n to Capt: too late Boss.... they already heard you!!

result: 1 bright pink Capt and 2 blushing blondes...

 

[NotAnIDOYet]

All Coppers are Knobs!!

All Coppers are Knobs!!

A few years ago I was on a visit to the Fighter Controller School up at Boulmer & was sitting in a class room, trying to stay awake whilst some FCs tried to tell us how important they all were.

Meanwhile, in the CRC, 2 JTs trying to fix the tannoy system which had been dead for some time decided that all hope was lost and started to mess around with it, thinking that they were not transmitting... "SBFB SBFB, all coppers are knobs, I say again, all coppers are knobs..he he he!!"

Back in the classroom, we all heard it & judging by the Pig Mobile hurtling up the hill, so did the scuffers. Beautiful!

To give the full truth, twas one of TG3's finest JNCOs who thought the tannoy microphone he held in his hand with a childish glint in his eye only went building wide.

Made even better by the rozzers complete overreaction to the sitiation and the fact that the accused's old man was a scuffer!

In the words of the Sqn Cdr at the subsequent fiz (I was only the escort m'lud!), "I shall not fine you, the rest of the station will only club together to pay it!!"

Hilarity all around, fantastic day at the office!

(Not all of them are, just a percentage!)

 

[exerk]

Falklands '92, just prior to the 10th anniversary 'celebrations'. An Ops Off, who was as pi**ed off as the rest of us used to make comedy broadcasts. The memorable ones were:

"SBFB, SBFB...I would just like to welcome the new RIC, the Worcestershire and Sherwood Forresters.....................................TIMMMBEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!"

And as they were also doing 'this time 10 years ago' broadcasts:

"On this day 10 years ago the fleet set sail for the Falklands.......and the slip crews who stayed behind got absolutely pi**ed!"

I believe some humourless tw@t of a pongo officer complained because the comedy suddenly stopped.

 

[mad_collie]

To give the full truth, twas one of TG3's finest JNCOs who thought the tannoy microphone he held in his hand with a childish glint in his eye only went building wide.

Made even better by the rozzers complete overreaction to the sitiation and the fact that the accused's old man was a scuffer!

In the words of the Sqn Cdr at the subsequent fiz (I was only the escort m'lud!), "I shall not fine you, the rest of the station will only club together to pay it!!"

Hilarity all around, fantastic day at the office!

(Not all of them are, just a percentage!)

We will miss Clem.

 

[MAINJAFAD]

Another of TG3's finest from the 1980's was a bloke known as Flash (the one who's first name started with C), who while babysitting the Duty system engineer desk at Bishops Court decided to select all areas on the R31 tannoy system (thus putting him in control of the whole station system) and started doing Cuckoo noises.

 

[mad_collie]

Another of TG3's finest from the 1980's was a bloke known as Flash (the one who's first name started with C), who while babysitting the Duty system engineer desk at Bishops Court decided to select all areas on the R31 tannoy system (thus putting him in control of the whole station system) and started doing Cuckoo noises.

Most of us got caught out with that tannoy system (young collie on more than one occassion).

One of the DSEs had a habit of broadcasting 'T1ts on the telly' whenever there was some flesh on C4, and we would all run from the equipment hall to see what was on display.

Unfortunately he pressed the wrong button one night and informed the whole station . . . . how we laughed as the phone starting ringing.

 

[beer]

Not so much a broadcast but a preparation for. Whilst carrying out an extra Ord Cpl in the early 80's at Lyneham after falling foul of FS Tiny D**** in PRF, I observed the knob of a GD wallah who had just been tasked with making a tannoy broadcast to that part of Wiltshire!

I could not believe my eyes when said knob went to the long mirror, adjusted his tie and then put on his slashed peak tw@t hat. After making sure he was pretty enough to do so, he then went to the tannoy and did his stuff. When finished he took his hat off and sat down again!

I always wonder why they binned that trade group! DT_Xtremez_15:

 

[LucyQuipment]

Many a bored hour at Bardufoss is spent baiting the duty staff to pipe for various Petty Officers.

"PO Laris to the armoury"

"PO Tato to the Galley"

really depends on how wet behind the ears they are, but fun to try anyway.

DT_Xtremez_14:

 

[shettie]

Another of TG3's finest from the 1980's was a bloke known as Flash (the one who's first name started with C), who while babysitting the Duty system engineer desk at Bishops Court decided to select all areas on the R31 tannoy system (thus putting him in control of the whole station system) and started doing Cuckoo noises.

MJ - this may be a bit of a leading question, but, did his last name start with a "P"?

 

[dodgysootie]

To all at ISK. Ah say, Ah say again!!

 

[I Look Like Kevin Costner]

Laarbruch, late 80's

The dayworker GD SAC in the guard room. His "FIRE, FIRE, FIRE" tannoys use to bring the house down. Rumour has it that Joe had bolloxed him for not showing enough gusto in his tone. He certainly made up for it afterwards, screaming down the ruddy mic!!! It was not long before posters were around Lar parts promoting "SAC blogs for FIRE TANNOY!"DT_Xtremez_31:

 

[MAINJAFAD]

Most of us got caught out with that tannoy system (young collie on more than one occasion).

One of the DSEs had a habit of broadcasting 'T1ts on the telly' whenever there was some flesh on C4, and we would all run from the equipment hall to see what was on display.

Unfortunately he pressed the wrong button one night and informed the whole station . . . . how we laughed as the phone starting ringing.

Wasn't that difficult, Left button - A Site, Right button - All station bar main MQ patch. Key on the right - main MQ patch as well. Said DSE didn't happen to be the one who kept forgetting to do the Ensign, hence the DSE's desk was covered in 'Do not forget the Flag'.

Anyhow another couple of classic DSE Tannoys from Bishops Court, These ones done by the boss of 'A' Watch during the 1990 World Cup.

Morning after Scotland got beat 0-1 by Costa Rica. Day workers coming into the R31 and Eng HQ Buildings. DSE with the first name of P fires up the A-Site Tannoy and broadcasts the following.

"Standby for Broadcast, Standby for Broadcast, The Jocks got stuffed, End of Broadcast "

Second one was in the 92 minute of the South Korea v Uruguay match, when Uruguay scored the winner, thus knocking the Jocks out of the best 3rd place loser qualification slot for the second round. Guys in the crew room watching the game heard the buzz of the Tannoy being selected by previously mentioned DSE, followed by his hearty laughter for about 10 seconds.

and no Flash's surname didn't start with P.

 

[Cooheed]

To all at ISK. Ah say, Ah say again!!

Aye it raised a smile. Thing is, you look like him (Fred Elliott) in a strange sort of way DT_Xtremez_15:

 

[The Bishop]

Falklands, Xmas 91....

"SBFB, SBFB... this is a strong wind warning"... followed by the longest and loudest fart I ever heard..... "end of broadcast"... hilarious!!!

DT_Xtremez_31:

 

[TrenchardsLoveSock]

Benson, the Glorious Fighting Dirty Turd, mid nineties:

Jerry K***** (top bloke) is running the Rects desk tannoys out to the hangar: "Sgt. K*****, telephone call in Rects Control. Sgt. K*****, telephone call in Re............ Hang on, that's me! Erm, yeah, oops."

One weekend Dutch was running the duty crew. In the middle of a particularily shocking rant about our Canadian exchange pilot and her moods (I think the term was "rag week psycho" or something similar) which included a less than flattering impersonation of her annoying accent, and the opinion that there was nothing that a good hard f**k couldn't sort, the lady in question phones to ask him to turn the tannoy off and head up to her office 'for a chat'.

 

[Warwick Hunt]

Though not s Stn tannoy per se, but does anybody remember the bloke who used to do the call to prayer at the mosque across the road from the mess at AAS? He'd be chanting away, when all of a sudden, he's start coughing and spluttering into the microphone. It used to bring the whole RAF Det to their knees in laughter every lunchtime.

 

[The Helpful Stacker]

Though not s Stn tannoy per se, but does anybody remember the bloke who used to do the call to prayer at the mosque across the road from the mess at AAS? He'd be chanting away, when all of a sudden, he's start coughing and spluttering into the microphone. It used to bring the whole RAF Det to their knees in laughter every lunchtime.

I hated that bloody call to prayer guy. Bloody noisy sod.DT_Xtremez_32:

 

[Warwick Hunt]

I hated that bloody call to prayer guy. Bloody noisy sod.DT_Xtremez_32:

I must admit, he wasn't so funny at the 0400 dawn call, though. Never fukcing coughed then...cnut!DT_Xtremez_25:

 

[JAFAD666]

A few years ago I was on a visit to the Fighter Controller School up at Boulmer & was sitting in a class room, trying to stay awake whilst some FCs tried to tell us how important they all were.

Meanwhile, in the CRC, 2 JTs trying to fix the tannoy system which had been dead for some time decided that all hope was lost and started to mess around with it, thinking that they were not transmitting... "SBFB SBFB, all coppers are knobs, I say again, all coppers are knobs..he he he!!"

Back in the classroom, we all heard it & judging by the Pig Mobile hurtling up the hill, so did the scuffers. Beautiful!

Yep absolutly true, my mate "Clem" was told to test the standby set in the old R12 ADOC (disused at the time) he forgot to switch it to internal meaning biulding only. When when quizzed by his boss and OC Pol Flt his response was, "Sir it`s not like I broadcast anything secret or inaccurate"
TOP TOP Bloke.