Dear chaps and chapesses,
I was the line armourer that saw in the Tomb that killed the cat. Exercise, very, very busy..and no FLMs turn up, so I marshalled the aircraft into the HAS pan. It was about halfway through the turn when the starboard LAU came into my view - missing one sidewinder. My initial reaction (being an armerer) was one of fcuking delight that something had gone bang. I became suspicious when I notice the growbags weren't wearing immersion suits (SOP for flying over water to fire rockety bangsticks at Welsh drones).
About this time, Timan P I think it was, turns up with the Massey Ferguson for pushback. Task completed, we hooked on the crew ladder and up I prances to unhook the frontseat ballast from his arial bondage gear.
I gave him my biggest grin and said "How did she fly sir?". He wrenched off his bone dome, looked up at me, all pale and shakey before taking a deep breath and shouting "It flew EXACTLY as you fcukers are always advertising, that's the fcuking problem. Now get the fcuk off this aircraft, all of you, don't touch a fcuking thing I have a gut feeling it's going to be impounded ...someone's fcuked up".
At the time us groundhogs knew nothing about the Jaguar currently parked in a German field. We only found out why the growbags had a sh1tty on later in the squadron HARD where every single Cobra armourer who existed had been summoned. According to the chief (Mal H) who gave us the gen from the gay briefing lecturn, the growbags had immediately blamed the load team/armourers/photogs/Helmut The Cleaning Spy, and were probably on the phone to Gilbert Blades even as he spoke. There were a LOT of angry armourers in one room that day and it wasn't a pretty sight I can tell. The Soviets could have ended the Cold War that same afternoon with one carefully placed clusterfcuk. That's how good we were.
You all know how the story ended - vindication for the groundcrew and Severe Digs at CM for the aeronautical wizerds concerned.
Now I shall leave and bask in my G-list celebrity status.