Who's the biggest liar you know??

[k9138]

The guy at Gloucester RAF Careers office in the late 90's who said I would get a lot of qualifications in the trade I went for which would help me in Civvie street........Karma is a wonderful thing ::/:

 

[LynRumourMan]

Got a few new ones from this tool..

He pulled the black box off XV179, funny that when the fcuker hasn't been on det in over 8 years...

Also according to his silver tongued lips he was on the original design team for the role 9 CDS, What a guy... Strange how he doesn't know how to fit one...

I'm sure there'll be some more classics to come out, i'll keep my ear to the ground..

 

[steve_k243]

Best one I met was back at a Tonka training unit near Thetford early 80's.

He had already entertained us with how he was in the spare seat (is there one?) in a Vulcan that buzzed both the Whitehouse AND the Pentagon.
AFAIK that event was a year before he was even born, and the Vulcans entered US airspace unchallenged but certainly didn't "buzz" anything.

A visiting Tonka had the first BOZ-107 any of us had seen. Our hero asks what it was so I told him it was a combined chaff (true) and Photon Torpedo dispenser

After baiting him with 20 minutes of BS about how the Photon Torpedo is a miniature rocket that acts as a decoy drone, he pipes up with--yes I remember them we had them at Scampton on Vulcans.

 

[bombdasand]

Few years back in sunny kinloss, a shiney SAC-T (Q-OPs) turned up in the bay, ah he had some stories:

1. Designed a 7 blade prop for Westland, who then paid him a huge amount of cash (Bullsh*t)

2. Had a lovely audi which he had debaged as it was the A3? version and did not want it stolen, pity the lad's pointed out he was missing a dif from it (Bullsh*t)

3. He was also the owner of a fantastic superbike, however was always in the garage down south (Bullsh*t)

4. And to finish off, this lovely little tinker had a few properties down south, which he was renting and making a mint (Bullsh*t)

Most of these stories came out just after someone else had made a comment in the tea bar.

God l don't miss the ape like sh*te at all, as also possibly the most dangerous of "techies" l have had the misfortune to meat.

SWG.

his last name didnt rhyme with queer or beer did it?

 

[Realist78]

Best one I met was back at a Tonka training unit near Thetford early 80's.

He had already entertained us with how he was in the spare seat (is there one?) in a Vulcan that buzzed both the Whitehouse AND the Pentagon.
AFAIK that event was a year before he was even born, and the Vulcans entered US airspace unchallenged but certainly didn't "buzz" anything.

A visiting Tonka had the first BOZ-107 any of us had seen. Our hero asks what it was so I told him it was a combined chaff (true) and Photon Torpedo dispenser

After baiting him with 20 minutes of BS about how the Photon Torpedo is a miniature rocket that acts as a decoy drone, he pipes up with--yes I remember them we had them at Scampton on Vulcans.

Yes, at the bottom of the steps to the 2 front seats.DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[156]

An SAC who was in the mob for years, something like 15 years [wonder why he never made CPL] He once told a mate and me that in the 1st Gulf War he was in one of the U.S Apache choppers blowing up Iraqi tanks. If you said Black he'd say White. He was and im guessing still is a 100% pure cnut

 

[Crabbity Ann]

Knew a guy that refused to admit his real age and insisted that he was in his mid 20s despite having a head of thinning grey (all over) hair and skin like leather.

Additionally he would show everyone a picture (he only seemed to own one) of his long term girlfriend who nobody had ever met as she never come to social events with him (she looked like a model by the way and way out of his league). He told us he was taking her on the holiday of a lifetime on his upcoming leave but when he came back and we asked to see his holiday snaps he told us he had forgotten to take any.

He also makes a mint from his numerous shares in various pharmesutical companies.

Best just to nod and smile I find, why disturb their fantastical little world when it clearly makes them so happy.

 

[steve_k243]

Knew a guy that refused to admit his real age and insisted that he was in his mid 20s despite having a head of thinning grey (all over) hair and skin like leather.

Additionally he would show everyone a picture (he only seemed to own one) of his long term girlfriend who nobody had ever met as she never come to social events with him (she looked like a model by the way and way out of his league). He told us he was taking her on the holiday of a lifetime on his upcoming leave but when he came back and we asked to see his holiday snaps he told us he had forgotten to take any.

He also makes a mint from his numerous shares in various pharmesutical companies.

Best just to nod and smile I find, why disturb their fantastical little world when it clearly makes them so happy.

His first name wouldn't be Fred would it?

 

[Skribbles]

I've got some right little beauties out of this guy from where I work now, some of his major ones include:

1. He was in the paras (for 18 years) and was sent to the Falklands but as soon as he got there he was shipped straight back... =/
2. He was a lorry driver for 20 years...
3. He had a restaurant for 10 years
4. He took a RN Minesweeper (his words exactly) 'for a spin round the harbour' =/!
5. He said to my brother when he passes basic in the Army he'll pay for a night of him drinking... which went down to £50... then down to £30, been a few months since he passed out and no money as of yet!
6. And last but not least he said the Roman's never got past London... His face dropped when someone came out with "Then who the fcuk built Hadrian's wall?!"

He's got plenty more but like I said they're his major ones if we add up all the years he's said he's been working here there and everywhere he should be about 108 years old!

 

[Crabbity Ann]

His first name wouldn't be Fred would it?

Fred not Now That's Funny


....actually, that's quite bad, even for me....I hang my head. DT_Xtremez_06:

 

[Tubby]

Got a few new ones from this tool..

He pulled the black box off XV179, funny that when the fcuker hasn't been on det in over 8 years...
.

Also funny that as it may have plenty of black boxes, it doesn't have the type he isprobably on about.

At MPA we got rid of one who seemed to know every model or actress that appeared on TV, Oh my cousin sat next to her on a plane, oh I met her in such a place. yeah and I sh@gged the queen of sheeba

 

[Benoit]

If you get the chance, head down to recruit gdt ( or whatever they call it now.) Meet the worlds most unconvincing liars! We've been hiding crazy liars down there for ages to terrify the basics. Makes me proud to be a rock! Only true experts can lie that badly!DT_Xtremez_31:

 

[MontyPlumbs]

If you get the chance, head down to recruit gdt ( or whatever they call it now.) Meet the worlds most unconvincing liars! We've been hiding crazy liars down there for ages to terrify the basics. Makes me proud to be a rock! Only true experts can lie that badly!DT_Xtremez_31:

I remember thinking what throbbers a few of the "vets" down at recruit GDT were when I went through Halton.
Expert liars? Only when they said only the best make it through recruit training!!!DT_Xtremez_34:

 

[riggertoSTAB]

Being a sad git when I left I joined the TA, there are loads of them there, well there were until the call ups started.

2 that spring to mind were called up the same time as me for Telic 2. I overheard them chatting about being ex regs! One was ex fleet air arm and the other an ex rock ape.

I quizzed them both seperately, it turned out neither had got through basic training, the ex rock when given R&R bottled it and never came back to finish his tour.

The fleet air arm boy, in fairness completed his tour but that might be down to the fact that his mummy was called up into the same unit!

 

[Turboangryman]

I am the biggest liar that I know, every time I say to Mrs Angryman....

If I hurts I will stop smashing your back door in
No I don't hate you Mom ( Tom Selleck look alike)
I don't have any porn in the house
What a nice tea you have cooked
No you don't look fat.
And the biggest lie of all......... I dont think about other women whist drilling you.
Turboangryman
Angryness Level
2/10

 

[disgruntled08]

Two faced chief clerks, OC PSFs, OC PMS's - careerists...

People who say the raf is a team - but at the end of the day, everyone just looks after themselves. I don't blame them, but when it is at the expense of a "disposable" SAC - they should be brought to account.

DT_Xtremez_44:

 

[ZebrasKneecaps]

Christ!!! your a right bundle of laughs.

As most of the posts on this thread are quite light hearted, amusing stories, i dont suppose you have any to share with us before we make the list as well???

Mind you, i suppose that life in a blue suit DT_Xtremez_42:

 

[wes_cov]

Had a muslim lad during trade training who was so full of Sh!t.

But the best one was when he said his uncle had died so was off for a week and seen out in birmingham on the pi55.

Didn't make it through trade training thanks fcuk lad was a total liability

 

[Shugster]

Fairy Mech in the early 90's at Gütersloh was signed off sick for a week and was seen at the Fair in town...

Flt Sgt calls him in for a bollocking and he then pretends to faint! DT_Xtremez_42:

Flt Sgt opens door to his Office and says, "Get this piece of cr4p off my floor".
DT_Xtremez_14: