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What did you screw up in the RAF?

Talk Wrench

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From Cold War warrior to Desert Storm, from Kosovo to Kabul, from Bosnia to Baghdad, from Op Banner to Op Shader, everyone has played their part in some way.

What were the major screw ups you got away with during your magnanimous war efforts?
 

muttywhitedog

Retired Rock Star 5.5.14
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In the early 1990s I managed to write off a large industrial photocopier by accidentally spilling toner on the key pad, then using soap and water to try and clean it. The liquid reacted with the toner to form a sticky substance that meant every time you pressed a button it stuck down.

It was the only copier of its type at Bentley Priory, which at the time was also HQ 11 Gp, and the copier was used for all sorts of AOC-type shit.
 

vim_fuego

Hung Like a Baboon.
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Crashed a Nimrod into a tug on a tow, blew over a cherry picker on a ground run, wrote off the E3 Sim for nearly 3 months with my shoulder, flooded the footy pitch in Gib (that one got a little out of hand...), put [lots of] Avtur into local fresh water system in Gib and Andoya, put the wrong OX into a Spey (38 rather 7) and after some research thought ‘it’ll do a trip’. Should I go on...I’ve got plenty...
 

Tin basher

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Totally blameless in all respects Guvnor.
Well apart from a few things like completely ripping a ground power socket out of a jet with a houchin plug which lead to the trashing of a nose under carriage door , which lead to a deformed houchin plug that couldn't be straightened even by driving a Landrover over it. I remember the immortal words of my Chief at the time "Welcome to the F**k up club son".
Apart from that almost nothing went wrong, except for..........
 
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SAXAVORDIAN

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Crashed a Nimrod into a tug on a tow, blew over a cherry picker on a ground run, wrote off the E3 Sim for nearly 3 months with my shoulder, flooded the footy pitch in Gib (that one got a little out of hand...), put [lots of] Avtur into local fresh water system in Gib and Andoya, put the wrong OX into a Spey (38 rather 7) and after some research thought ‘it’ll do a trip’. Should I go on...I’ve got plenty...
It was you in all those accident reports with the blacked out picture Saying "BEWARE" at Kinloss. You were even banned in Forres Elgin Nairn in fact Inverness to Aberdeen not for drunkeness for being Calamity Sam. I doff my cap sir a true hero to us SAC Dollops. Did you get the Soviet Star of Honour for contribution to the USSR. :ROFLMAO: (y)
 

Past Engineering

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St Athan, partially destroyed a wing change Airlog trolley while driving over the arrester cable and the convoy was arrested by the cable until parts of the trolley broke apart and we were once again moving at speed, took a few hours to ensure the runway was clear before they could fly again, nearly lost my towing licence after one sided chat with SATCO.

St Athan again, towing a Houchin out of the hangar when one of the doors started closing and ripped door off tractor as I sped through the gap, door initially caught my arm then fell off onto the hangar floor, still moving at speed the Houchin got a bit scraped up but was still usable, OC MT & OC GEF were more bothered about the damage to equipment and vehicle than me. The investigation proved my innocence as the door rail was sinking towards the middle so the door on one side had a tendency to slowly close if it was not opened enough, we had to chock it after that or fully open it, once they removed the armour plate off the inside it was ok.

RAF Honington one dark, wet and windy night towing an aircraft from HAS site back to hangar, by the engine running hush house bend there was a negative camber so when I went around the corner going a very small amount faster than usual the tractor jack knifed and started to slide off the taxiway, managed to get it sorted just before the pitot probe was about to come through the back window, that was a lesson learnt well after that fright.
 

Billy Whizz

Flight Sergeant
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Burnt out the clutch on a landrover trying to clear snow from the Chinnie pan on 78 Down South - luckily it was the Queenies rover that I borrowed so just abandoned it with flashing lights on :)
 

Wobbly_Jon

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Not me, didn't touch it! It was was like that when I got here! All the old excuses used by a mate of mine whenever a computer froze or crashed. That chap could cause an IT failure just by walking in to the office. Being almost perfect :rolleyes:, personally I never screwed up anything!!!!!!!!!!
 

vim_fuego

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I didn't do this but I was there...whilst in a hot Southern state in the US I was waiting as part of a see in crew for a maritime jet to taxi back...We were spread out thin on this huge dimly lit dispersal. A distraction was the Coypu (big rat/beaver looking animals) that kept scuttling passed me but on the whole I was Johnny on the job. Jet landed and whizzed down the runway...it was a bit damp and humid and it ended up using all the runway and just managed to stop inches from the grassy bit at the end. Tug arrived and we all hopped on to go push it back and get it pointing towards the taxiway. We said we'd hop back on the tug and head back to our original positions to see them in as normal. We all got dropped at our positions and waited...15 minutes later the tug arrived and we hopped back on as it was stuck again.

Now this is where it gets funny...After we left the crew gathered themselves a bit and were about to taxi when a 'follow me' truck went past with the sign lit up. They duly tucked in behind it as the truck went back into the ATC car park, oblivious their sign was lit up nor that a large British 4-jet was following it...the jockey only realise where he was taxing when it was too late and his nose wheel was in the car park.

When we pushed it back again and this time found the right dispersal the doors didn't open for nearly 25 minutes...and when they did there was not a word of banter from them and only apologies. I went on from there to be join them in the air and to this day, knowing the level of back-up and chat you get when doing that sort of thing, I have no idea how they achieved that level of sh1tness.
 

UlsterExile

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I may have pierced a RAFP Sherpa(with occupants) with a set of 12000lb forks back in the early nineties. It was 0300 and the PFDS wagon had just rolled in and was some oversized kit on, and the coppers came to see what the fuss was about presumably and came round the wrong side of the 40 footer and i just ploughed straight into them.
I may have also been responsible for damaging the only serviceable Conway engine on a VC-10 Det, causing a engine change team to come out on a Spec Herc lift with 2 replacement Conway's. I was just doing some PEP husbandry (with a borrowed forklift from the civvie ground handlers) and making myself look busy as not to attract other sh*t jobs. I hit the brakes a bit too harshly and the engine and cradle just slid off straight into a load of netted pallets with kit ready to go back on the next freighter coming our way. Lets just say I hastily squared everything away and got the forks collected. The ground crew seen the forks being driven away by the local's, which probably saved my bacon. As when they went to inspect it before changing it they noticed some slight damage!!!!!!!!!!
 

rebbonk

SAC
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Vulcan ground run, carrying out alternator load sharing tests, my mate (ahem!) got distracted and 'forgot' to re-sync the alternators when bringing them back online. Rather a lot of blown fuses!

Same mate (ahem!) on a compass swing started the APU from a GPU without an aircraft battery being connected. Guess who then found that without the aircraft battery, you couldn't shut the APU down once you had 'switched' the battery off on the AEO panel? Red-faced clambering up into the wheel bay to connect the battery amid much sniggering!
 

Rigga

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Showing Bengo some crud on the bottom of a gearbox when gravity suddenly became more available and the casing was irrepairably damaged....Managed to blame him though.
 

Rocket_Ronster

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Showing Bengo some crud on the bottom of a gearbox when gravity suddenly became more available and the casing was irrepairably damaged....Managed to blame him though.
My type of cleaning...smash it and get another one.
 

Past Engineering

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On a certain F3 OCU it was decided that when the Phantoms went on one of their detachments that we would operate from their HAS's during an exercise, as an apparent knowledgeable chap on HAS operations, albeit GR1's, I was asked what would be required, firstly I told them that the winch system would need to be altered to avoid smacking the fin into the roof above the efflux tunnel and also that the ISO container that the Phantom guys used for storing kit would have to be be moved, or the wings swept, before trying to put an F3 into the HAS and explained that the wing tip would hit it. They decided to leave the winch alone the first time around and use tractors for the push back, BENGO decided that I was wrong about the ISO container and duly went out to prove me wrong, about half an hour later in comes an embarrassed BENGO who asked if the wing tip could be repaired on the QT as it turned out I did know some things he did not.
 

Past Engineering

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Not my fault, but had a similar incident with a Tornado at Honington on a minor servicing, bloody Avionic numpty Chief Tech on night shift decided to remove the radar and did not leave a note and the following day I told the sooties they could fit the engines back, one bent pitot probe and won the competition to get as many people in the cockpit as possible while we got the a rear jack in place, boss not happy.
 

vim_fuego

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Anyone here going to own up to this.....?

View attachment 1011645
Any Nimrod Sumpy will be able to tell a tale or two around 5 tank not filling as fast as 6 tank. 6 is near the tail....5 is near the nose. I nearly did this once and the chief in the Line control rang my pan phone (miracle I heard it over the noise of the bowser and power set, 'Vim... I'm on the bino's and I can see way too much of the nose wheel oleo...check 5'. It's quite surprising how fast you can yell at the bowser driver to stop flow whilst legging it to the right fuel panel!
 
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