Old wind ups for new arrivals (merged)

[FairyGoodGuy]

Remember being in the Comms Bay at ISK back in 2000 and sending the new boy called ZAG to stores for "A box of 9" holes". He toddled off to collect said box of holes from pre-warned freindly blanket stacker.

He returned some 30 minutes later with a damaged box and F731 attached all genuine. When he was asked about the damage he said he had worked out it was a wind up and kicked the box accross the car park. We jumped up and said that some of the holes had fallen out and were probably in the car park, if someone drives their car over one then they will have a hole in their tyre.

So off he toddled and spent 2 hours trawling the car park looking for holes.................priceless

 

[Wonky Tonka]

Remember being in the Comms Bay at ISK back in 2000 and sending the new boy called ZAG to stores for "A box of 9" holes". He toddled off to collect said box of holes from pre-warned freindly blanket stacker.

He returned some 30 minutes later with a damaged box and F731 attached all genuine. When he was asked about the damage he said he had worked out it was a wind up and kicked the box accross the car park. We jumped up and said that some of the holes had fallen out and were probably in the car park, if someone drives their car over one then they will have a hole in their tyre.

So off he toddled and spent 2 hours trawling the car park looking for holes.................priceless

Poor Zag!! He was on the receving end of many a wind-up DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[3wheeledtechie]

Couldn't believe I caught my SNEC out with this one:

Being fat & lazy, he is asking round the office if anyone knows the guard commanders number. "Isn't it x7201?" says I with straight face. Cue fat SNEC apologising to Harry Staish for disturbing him.

Even better the next morning left him a message on the board - from Harry - don't bother calling today. He then spent nearly five minutes scratching his head trying to work out does he know a Harry.

I might leave it a few weeks before leaving him a message to call Joe ref extra duties...

 

[ady eflog]

Anyone who has worked on Harriers will have had the customary soaking with the water dump whilst being told to check something in the main u/c Bay, works every time, priceless. what about turning the windsock on, used to work a treat on 20 at wittering, watching the young fellow me lad run across the pan to the windsock and realising what a tit he looked, or taking a poly bag of air down to the oxy bay for testing. classics.

 

[ianisme]

A few spring to mind during my time, such as

1. Late 70's at Lossie, where I worked on the flight sim. We had a new guy straight out of training, who was a bit surprised to find his name in SROs in the "detachments" section. Seems that he was off to Belize for a year to work on the Harrier containerised simulator (which didn't exist then or now). We like to stretch things out in sims, so the whole section (officers included) didn't let him in on the joke until the end of the week.

2. mid 80s in Wildenrath, we had a dedicated young corporal who had spent almost his entire tour completely rebuilding an MG. He was rightly proud of the beautiful job he did and was excited after he received the new documents for it after registering it for the first time with the plods at Rheindalen. He had only been back in the section for 5 minutes when I took a phone call from the police asking to speak to him. His face went white as he listened, before shooting off at high speed back to Rheindalen. He stopped just long enough to explain that they had checked the details on his car and the engine number matched that of a car stolen a few years previously in the UK. After he left, Ned came through from the WOs office and asked if he had fell for it? Poor sod spent the rest of the afternoon trying to convince the police that his engine wasn't stolen.

3. A package arrived for a civvy mate with a whole bunch of official documents from the RAF, including maps and letters. Turns out they needed to plant a high intensity beacon in his garden following the re-opening of the N/S runway at Lossie. At the time there were major refurbishments going on there, so it seemed totally plausible. The package included instructions for contacting the station MO to be tested for epilepsy just in case the high intensity strobe might trigger it. As expected, he wasn't best chuffed and complained in person to his landlord, who pointed out that the letter was signed by Wing Commander A. Wynn-Dupp!

 

[Bunker Monkey]

Things B&Q don't stock....

Things B&Q don't stock....

Before I joined the Mob I was on a 4 week contract for B & Q fitting out a new store to get some beer chits for basic training at Swinderby.
We carried out a wind-up on a cocky little chimp who worked in the warehouse.
We got him to ask a female assistant manager for some Fallopian Tubes for the plumbing department!
Off he went and after a few moments he came back holding his cheek, ‘What happened’? We asked innocently. ‘I asked if she had any Fallopian Tubes and she hit me’! He replied.

 

[Hook]

Wind Ups

Wind Ups

Back in the 80's at St. Mawgan, one of the line shift Sgt's sent some of his lads to the med centre because he said the faireys had been using the radar and they might be affected. Med centre in on joke and lads presented themselves to give sperm samples!!!!! On arrival back to line they were told it was a wind up however as it was a Friday one of the lads went straight home to tell his missus, priceless!

 

[Datalink Squirrel]

Some for Scopies.
A new lad was writing backwards on a mission tote and started complaining about his chinagraph (aka grease pencil by the Spams) squeaking.
Cpl in charge says "OK, once you've done that, go see WO Ops and ask him for a bottle of chinagraph oil."
Not for nothing was WO Ops known for being a grump.

Another was sent to SHQ to get some Leave Application Forms - RAF Form S259.
The joke is that S259 was an old type of radar.

Sqn Ldr Fighter Controller with a sense of humour. As Duty Master Controller one night, he states he doesn't like the look of the radar picture and complains to the techies. Newly-promoted SAC is collared by said SL and told to go to the techs and get some calibration pips for his console. Comes back with a box of ticker tape punchings. SL opens the box and states that these aren't right as the consoles are a tad on the old side, he doesn't want metric-sized ones, he wants imperials. So SAC goes back then returns with another box that's heavy and rattles a lot. SL opens the box and says, "Great! Waited all evening for these!" and promptly starts to scoff the Mint Imperials that he had planted with the techies at start of shift.

Finally, some FI mountain site stories in 1986. SAC on console takes the P out of techie cleaning touch pad keyboard of radar console and gets a bit heated. Techie plots revenge.
SAC comes in next day shift to find me at the console wearing usual cabbage gear plus cook's white jacket, white plastic over boots, surgeon-style cloth cap and face mask hanging on one ear. "What's going on?" he asks.
New orders from 11 Gp that all operators, controllers and techies must wear clean protective clothing on this radar equipment at all locations, due to contamination by fibres from cabbage gear, especially green wooly-pulleys. "Yeah, right!"
He takes said items from me and I bid him goodnight.
Apparently, all day he was convinced it was a wind-up despite seeing correctly-prepared signals from Comcen, confirming with other (pre-briefed) FI sites and seeing all other personnel in the control cabin - Controllers, visitors, etc - dressed the same, exccept for techies who are in the proper clean white overalls for use in clean workshops.
At end of his shift, the techie admits it was all a wind-up. SAC didn't say anything for 3 days. Didn't techie do well?

Fg Off controller observes that we collect cloud ceiling information for inbound helos by calling someone to take a look. "Why don't you cut a hole in the wall?" "Er... breaks EMP shielding Ma'am." "OK, why not install a periscope then?" "Gulp. Er... same thing Ma'am." "Hmm." Not convinced.
2 days later, she comes back in to cabin to find a cardboard periscope stuck to ceiling with a photo of typical FI exterior and a little light inside. Also hears tape recording of our comcen teletype pings as if it was sonar.
Appreciated the joke so much, she requested it stay there for at least a week and told all visitors about it. Another stroke of genius by same techie plus a little help from yours truly.

Chf Techie turns down heating in Ops cabin as punishment for a soft Cpl Scopie feeling cold and turning up the heat - computers in the next room don't like heat very much. It was so cold we went on nights fully wrapped up and with overcoats and sleeping bags and relieving each other off console every 30 mins.
3rd night in a row was fed up with freezing so I installed a heater on the wall.
Techies come in next morning and spot this; ask about who installed it ("Er... OK, it was me, I'm cold!") then tried to switch it off. HA! Discovered it was made of cardboard 'tinnies' tray, some strips of cardboard on top, all covered in black tape, plus old knobs, switches and manufacturer's badge. Stayed on for rest of my tour - CT didn't speak to me for a little while.

 

[sp4rks]

Whilst at a secret comms base darn sarf, we sent a new LAC to stores with a request form for the following:

1 x Box - Floating Waves
2 x Small cartridges - Standing Waves
1 x Standard wave.

He came back with an empty taped up box, with instructions not to shake the box, and that if he did the radiation would be released (took him half an hour to walk across the road to our building), two ammo mags, and told that they didn't have any standard waves in, but was to return the following week.

Stores phoned us up to tell us about the return the following week, so we played along, sent him back for the standard wave the following week, he got that when he turned around after being told by stores it was a wind up, to see us lot waving at him.

 

[Dragoon]

Holy thread revival Sp4rks! DT_Xtremez_30:

Mind you, gives me a chance to put my story in.

First posting in the Comcen at Coningsby, I was told that I needed to search through the chad box attached to the Murray Code machine and look for any pink chads. These ones were from Secret tapes and had to be disposed of in a special way.

Now for those not in the know, chads are the tiny little paper circles that are punched out when the Murray Code machine produces the tapes used for crypto. The chad box usually has blimmin hundreds of the things in if it hasn't been emptied for a while.

I was a bit suspicious and despite looking at the other SAC's and the Cpl in the room with their badly-hidden wolfish grins, I was still very skeptical. Didn't do it though.

They got me back by putting one of those gawd-awful Mosque alarm clock things in a locker on a night shift set to go off in the early hours.

After putting up with the wailing for a bit, my sanity broke and I had to prise open the locker to switch the damned thing off! ::/:

 

[6A1]

Leeming ASF late 70's.
We had a new SAC Leckie and his first job was to measure the voltage produced by the riggers bleeding off the oxygen system on the JP to check for static electricity. So he is sat on a chair with an Avo ( Voltage measurement device for non techies) set to 3000v with both probes in the oxygen stream . He started at about 8 in the morning and was still there by 11 (riggers had slowed the bleed down) Everybody in the hanger was in on it. WO nearly had a fit ! Even missed NAAFI break !
Same guy day later was give a bag of used oxygen complete with 731 and was sent off to get it disposed - stores, medical center, fire station all signed the F731. He was known as Supersonic ! Had to be told that he had been set up. Eventually saw the light and left !

 

[orgASMic]

Abingdon, late 80s. Sqn clerk is warned off that she is promoted to cpl and posted to AKI. Off she goes to Clothing Stores to collect her KD kit. She comes back to the sqn to give us all a fashion show, at which point I ask her where her raincoat is. "Raincoat, Sir?" "Yep" says I "KD raincoat. It still rains occasionally in Cyprus, you know." Off she goes back to Stores to be issued with a brown storeman's dustcoat complete with cpl tapes on the sleeves. very smart she looked too.

 

[FatDrunkAndStupid]

These photo's are useless..airman, nip down to stores and get me some cloud remover.

 

[exceptionalsleeper]

Get down to stores and demand some prop wash! Always a good one!

 

[Barch]

Abingdon, late 80s. Sqn clerk is warned off that she is promoted to cpl and posted to AKI. Off she goes to Clothing Stores to collect her KD kit. She comes back to the sqn to give us all a fashion show, at which point I ask her where her raincoat is. "Raincoat, Sir?" "Yep" says I "KD raincoat. It still rains occasionally in Cyprus, you know." Off she goes back to Stores to be issued with a brown storeman's dustcoat complete with cpl tapes on the sleeves. very smart she looked too.

Similar thing in Leeming SSF about 1977.

Phone call to the hangar floor asking for Sgt C****e.

Trev answered and was asked why he hadn't been to clothing stores to get measured up for his KD for Cyprus, off he trotted to clothing stores for them to deny all knowledge of his requirement. He was not a happy Sgt finding out his posting of a lifetime was only a windup.

Fast forward 2 days and another phone call to the hangar floor asking for Sgt C****e.

Trev duly answered and was told to go to SHQ to pick up his chit to get measured up for his KD for Cyprus, after about five minutes Trev hung up and informed us all that he didn't think it was funny and whoever it was wouldn't be calling back.

Ten minutes later the WO (Stan B****r) wanted to know why Tev had given the Chief Clerk five minutes of uninterrupted verbal and was to go and apologise and pick up his chit for his KD.

 

[techie_tubby]

I wasn't involved in it but was told this by my first Cpl.He was at a flying station in ground radio and there was a new ATC Officer posted in fresh from Shawbury. During the course of her shift her range fings disppeared from her display. One of the Sgt's leaned over and casually said, "Oh don't worry it happens all the time. Just pop down to Ground Radio and get some more." So off she tottles down to GRMS to pick up a box of pre-prepared rings of paper of varied sizes and ticknesses. She sits back at her desk and tries various pieces of paper on her display until one looks right. Had her going all shift apparantly. Luckily she could take a joke. Plus from the picture I saw she was quite fit as well.

 

[Get Tae]

Whilst in Seeb I went over to the Carefore and bought the biggest leek I could find.

Then duly stuck it onto the main leg of a Nim next morning and waited till the eng did his walk round.

After a few minutes I ran up shouting about a massive leak on the Stbd main leg and how come he hadent noticed it.

His face turned red and he ran out the jet and down to the offending leek, oh how we laughed and laughed.

The summer nights just flew by................

 

[needsabiggerfuse]

I popped in to see my ol' mate the IT tech and scrounged a busted keyboard. Sprinkled cress seeds amongst the keys, watered the whole thing, and stuck it in my greenhouse for a day or two. Went into work a few minutes early and replaced the department tw@ts keyboard with my 'doctored' one (I didn't do any disconnect/connect stuff, just hid the good keyboard behind the screen). Stand back and wait ... Hook-Line-Sinker. "How's the garden?" would send him off in a huff for weeks afterwards.

 

[BillyH]

All fools day at Luton airport. Behind a large bookcase, avionics techs could be heard giggling like girls. When they had departed the office, our little four hook coat rack had been turned upside down. Should we rant and rave make 'em put it right. No grab a screwdriver, put it back the right way up. Hang a couple of jackets up. The poor dears spent all day wandering around wondering if they had done it, or was it all a dream.





BillyHDT_Xtremez_39:DT_Xtremez_39:

 

[alepie]

We had a technophobe Sgt in PSF on my first tour. One of the SAC's autocorrected 'the' to 'Kev is a c**k' on his Word 95, he had a sense of humour but it took a good hour of begging before one of us fixed it for him.