Old wind ups for new arrivals (merged)

[Grey_Man]

Wind up

Wind up

Just after getting to Colt, three new LACs were told that 39 would be happy snapping in support of the New Orleans flood and there was one LAC slot available. To qualify, they had to pass their Combat swim test. The female LAC missed lunch and spent the time shaving her legs for the PTI. They trooped down to the pool after lunch only to be told by the pool staff (in on the joke) that the pool was being chlorinated and they had to come back the next day.

After finding out back at the section, the two male LACs had a good laugh about it while the gutted female ran off to the toilets to cry for 1/2 an hour.

Grey_Man

 

[sheddweller]

Back in the dark ages BBMF used to carry parachutes on the Lancaster and they managed to convince one of their new JTs that everybody on the flight had to do parachute drills. Subsequently, after setting it up with the PTIs, they had him in a parachute harness hung up from the ceiling of the station gym for long enough to be really amusing!

 

[isitoz]

Whilst I was at valley the liney’s told a new boy (LAC) that the SWO was an ex pilot. Who used to be commissioned however he was busted down to SWO because he buzzed a royal parade, and as such it was considered polite to salute him. I can still hear the SWO shouting at him.

 

[flipperthebushkangaroo]

was it you?

was it you?

I still get a laugh out of phoning up any Propulsion Flight and asking if it's the Engine Bay. When (if) they say "Yes", then I reply with "Captain here, full steam ahead" followed by a whooping noise.

Roverboy were you on 5 b shift at the end of the f3 by any chance seem to remember a fellow fog ducker who did that a lotDT_Xtremez_28: , was quite fond of toilet paper too???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DT_Xtremez_26:

 

[PICKLE]

Turned up at Leuchars first day working when the "jock mafia" 3 scheming old school JT'S told me to go to stores for a glass hammer.Being a cocky wee **** duly smiled and wandered off.Went to MT & asked them for one of those wee red hammers off the buses used to break the windows in an emergency.

upon my glorious return presented them with the hammer......BIG MISTAKE
one bodging & a nasty swim later had decided not to be a smart ass anymore.On a plus side though was soon inducted into the mafia for showing such ingenuity!!!

 

[vim_fuego]

Sort of a new arrival wind-up...When I was initiated into the claw in the early nineties I decided to not use the given words for 'the mirror' and to make up my own that rather threw it back in the faces of the old lags down there...

I drank so much 'dead eye' for that one minor mistake that I actually began to enjoy it...:raf:

 

[roverboy]

Roverboy were you on 5 b shift at the end of the f3 by any chance seem to remember a fellow fog ducker who did that a lotDT_Xtremez_28: , was quite fond of toilet paper too???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DT_Xtremez_26:

Yes, I am indeed toilet man!!

 

[uber pikey]

I did a bit of work on the side before I joined up on a building site and one of the guys I worked with was handed a bag by the boss who said to him; can you mind my sandwiches..
5 mins later the guy I worked with checked the bosses sandwiches and there was a steaming turd inside. I thought that was the best new guy prank I had ever seenDT_Xtremez_30:

 

[wgaf]

Yes, I am indeed toilet man!!

No! I'm toilet man!

 

[roverboy]

Not the original one though, I'll wager!!!!!!

 

[Fablon biff chit]

The harrier has a water tank to cool the engines during hovering (I think anyway). When topping up this tank you can tell Yanks / passers by that the Harrier runs on water! If they don't believe it, take the hose out and give them a drink......

 

[Scaley brat]

No! I'm toilet man!

No I'm toilet man and so's my wife !

 

[Hu Jardon]

Not the original one though, I'll wager!!!!!!

Ah yes you must be small dicked Toilet Man who used to strip off and wrap bog roll round his head and dash through the PAC it Inn.

Used to tickle me watching that little Jock Jim M***** with the mad Irish Setter trying to figure out who the fekk it was

DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[roverboy]

Ah yes you must be small dicked Toilet Man who used to strip off and wrap bog roll round his head and dash through the PAC it Inn.

Used to tickle me watching that little Jock Jim M***** with the mad Irish Setter trying to figure out who the fekk it was

DT_Xtremez_30:

The very same!!! Too many people know who I am now, it's not on.

 

[Rusty Dubnuts]

Ran a spoof admin order through Cot Ops a few years ago related to rank related post-it-notes. Basically refering to over use of yellow and an over abundance of other colours had led supply to ordane that certain ranks had to use certain colour notes, and go sign for them from stores and they'd be accountable. I was amazed at how many fell for it, even had one holding officer given the job of co-ordinating the requirements. It was very tempting to drop the same order into the admin office in tray as I cleared, just to see what happened.

 

[monobrow]

Wind ups I've usually done have been in written form. Memos and letterheads are easy to "replicate" using a simple word template!!

When I was at Cosford on my basic training, I put the whole course on pool flight for Christmas grant, just to get the senior bod to actually do something about the block leave form he couldn't be arsed submitting (trust me, talking to him did f*ck all)

Then when the Squadron put me in LITS, I had a lot of time on my hands, so I produced a DWR signal (with a mates contact number on), followed by a packup containing everything he could ever want to know about his 4 months away. Poor guy was almost in tears in the FS's office until he creased up and laughed in his face. I don't think he's forgiven me for it yet!

 

[mad_collie]

Just had a corker today. Found the Dymo labelling machine, so put a label on it saying 'PASSWORD PROTECTED - PASSWORD HELD BY CIS SUPPORT'.

Within an hour of it laying around, one of the Doris' in the section comes to me asking for the password.DT_Xtremez_42:

Told her the password was muppet.DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[Sooty_daz]

Newbies

Newbies

We have an ingenius system where we send the new shiney LAC to stores to get his picture registered for the sqn data base, 2 photos are required holding the RAF F(ID10T) board with name rank and numer on and one photo with face welly on.....makes me almost p155 myself when you see they actually fall for it we have got an impressive data base of both service and civilian ID10Ts

 

[Sooty_daz]

SRO entries

SRO entries

The other corker i par-took in was to promote the most unworthy sack of **** on the squadron (he though he was **** hot though) we never used to get paper copy SROs so we used to read them online..and in the promotions we added sac bloggs to the list as a read only entry and then printed it out and left it convieniently lying around the t bar.

He saw it and contacted PSF to find out his date, and they were totally confused as this blokes last 6000 was a ''likely to became human'' they in turn contacted the SWO to find out why his SROs said bloggs was promoted.

Joe SWO looked at the real SROs and tried to ream me for fcukin around with official RAF publications

made me laugh though

 

[MindlessRockMonkey]

The fire section favourite. (Phone rings) New spoon on shift "Hello fire section", caller "Is mark there?" Spoon "Mark who" caller "Mark nine" lol phone down.

How to make a Air Tragic Control spoon puke.

1) Take one firefighting dummy
2) Dress in fire uniform (Boots, helmet, green crash kit and blue suede boots)
3) Place in nearside rear cab of Mark nine (Crash 2)
4) Commence DI run (Daily inspection)
5) Commence high speed (!in a mark 9) down the active (West to East to put nearside facing away from ATC)
6) Throw dummy out
7) Run over with mark 9 (Crash 3)

Turns out that an AT controller visually follows the crash vehicles with a set of binos looking for fod. Who knew? One ATC control room bin full, nice.

When a new spoon arrived on shift he was dispatched by the SGT crew chief to supply for a false wall for the ladder tests. After 5 hours the SGT came to me as I was the control and asked me to phone supply to see what time the spoon left. I called supply and was forwarded on to the supply SGT. He told me that the spoon was still there and was currently searching the supply depot with the supply spoon for the wall. The crash combine was called by ATC to leave airfield side (No A/C about) and went to supply fire assembly point. One activated fire alarm later the depot was emptied and 2 spoons washed down with a mark nine.