Line Books - Ridiculous Remarks from years gone by

[Kryten]

One of my colleagues up here in the North West has just made an off the cuff remark about how he loves spring, with all the "dandelion cocks" floating around....needless to say we had to go onto Wikipedia to prove that what he was looking for were in fact "dandelion clocks".....

When I finally stopped laughing I mentioned that his comment was worthy of inclusion in the office line book (had we actually got one), to which the response was "Whats a line book?"

So I happily explained it to him, but what I'd like to do is give him some examples of ridiculous remarks, stupid statements and utter bolleaux that has passed the lips of many a Light Blue over the years - any takers?

 

[justintime129]

Names changed to protect the innocent. But this is the gist. Gutersloh SCAF young lad to Scaley wife who worked there

SAC "hey smithy, did they call you smithy at school.
n
Mrs Smith "no"

SAC thinks for a moment then says"why not"

Mrs Smith replies "because that wasn't my name."

SAC still puzzled had to have explained to him that Smith was her married name

 

[techie_tubby]

I came out with one at Cosford. Talking about booking the go karting track for a section night out and we got talking about the professional ones that have multiple gears, to which I responded by saying that the ones at Cosford only have 1, forward and reverse.

 

[propersplitbrainme]

I remember a student on TMTS handing in a report on the hazards associated with Safety Razors when what he actually meant was Safety Raisers..

 

[Harry B'Stard]

A certain person not too far away from my keyboard was written into the book with a quote of...

"There's an electrical burning smell coming from somewhere in my car but I'm not sure what it is"

To which someone replied... "How about the electrics?"

DT_Xtremez_42:

HTB

 

[Spearmint]

On Ra Ra 20(R) we had an absolute corker of a Line Book which eventually got confiscated because the 'Management' got nervous about a few 'close to the bone remarks' about a young 'Mixed Raced' individual. That and the Navy got all ****y about some anti-Jointery quips as well......

Anyways, from memory....

Jengo hurries into Line Control with a nervous look, frantically pointing at a Harrier and energetically asking why it was following the tractor so closely...

'That's because it's being towed....Sir.....'

-------------------------------------------

Jengo walks into Rects and spots the packed lunches on order for the guys who couldn't get to lunch because of the current flying wave...

'Why has OZ got his name on all the sandwiches? Surely they aren't all for him?

Puzzled Techie takes a brief look before solemly stating....

'That's the date ('02) they were made....Sir...'

-------------------------------------------

 

[MontyPlumbs]

On Ra Ra 20(R) we had an absolute corker of a Line Book which eventually got confiscated because the 'Management' got nervous about a few 'close to the bone remarks' about a young 'Mixed Raced' individual. That and the Navy got all ****y about some anti-Jointery quips as well......

Anyways, from memory....

Jengo hurries into Line Control with a nervous look, frantically pointing at a Harrier and energetically asking why it was following the tractor so closely...

'That's because it's being towed....Sir.....'

-------------------------------------------

Jengo walks into Rects and spots the packed lunches on order for the guys who couldn't get to lunch because of the current flying wave...

'Why has OZ got his name on all the sandwiches? Surely they aren't all for him?

Puzzled Techie takes a brief look before solemly stating....

'That's the date ('02) they were made....Sir...'

-------------------------------------------

I remember that book, what a treasure now sadly lost.

One of my favourites, mainly from Chiefy or Mandy!

"how much is tax for that motorbike mate?"

"Err, I think about 60 quid"

"Is that fully comp?"

 

[ady eflog]

20's book was legendary,
"I saw a bee go into the intake and come out of the cold nozzle unharmed"

I bought an atlas the other day, I couldn't believe it has all the countries in it.

That blokes always working in that field, no that's a scarecrow.

And one of my favourites, Can you wheel spin a harrier?

 

[Sixty Percent Overlap]

There were many during my days on 41(RIC), quite a few by me - I was young and niave. But one of the funniest ones I was in company to hear was whilst at a secret base in Cambs. A female Cpl (whose secondary duty was IC WRAF Block) took a phone call and said, after putting it down;

"I've just got to pop out for half an hour, there's some blokes from works services who need to be escorted around the block to take a look at some cracks!"

 

[Stevienics]

From Halton:

"So, what then do they place depleted uranium discs the rotor tips of the Whirlwind?"

""Well , Chief, it's dangerous stuff, so I expect it's to keep it as far from the pilot as possible"

 

[Flybynight]

One of my colleagues up here in the North West has just made an off the cuff remark about how he loves spring, with all the "dandelion cocks" floating around....needless to say we had to go onto Wikipedia to prove that what he was looking for were in fact "dandelion clocks".....

When I finally stopped laughing I mentioned that his comment was worthy of inclusion in the office line book (had we actually got one), to which the response was "Whats a line book?"

So I happily explained it to him, but what I'd like to do is give him some examples of ridiculous remarks, stupid statements and utter bolleaux that has passed the lips of many a Light Blue over the years - any takers?

SAC on advanced course in navigation class at Shawbury, early 60s, to Flt Lt instructor: "If it was going south, sir, wouldn't it go faster?" Flt Lt: "Why?" SAC: "Because it would be going downwards and would have the force of gravity to help it."

 

[timbo_66]

A couple from 1(F) Sqn from the early 2000's concerning A Shift's Jengess.

Jengess walks into Rects office as people in there are discussing favourite meals, she says..."I love a good roast".

Jengess again enters Rects office looking for the Rects Controller whose name was Richard. She is in a bit of a fluster and shouts out...'Where's Dick? I need Dick!!'

 

[Mike Oxlong]

Gioia Del Colle, thick fairy to fellow sqn members entering an eating astablishment.

"Don't eat the Calamari, its got squid in it"

 

[Scouser812]

from the line book in MPA tower after a beer call at Castaways:

WAF: Can i sit in the front, i need to sit in the front.
SAC who called shotgun: Why?
WAF: i cant open my legs in the back!

 

[Flybynight]

A couple from 1(F) Sqn from the early 2000's concerning A Shift's Jengess.

Jengess walks into Rects office as people in there are discussing favourite meals, she says..."I love a good roast".

Jengess again enters Rects office looking for the Rects Controller whose name was Richard. She is in a bit of a fluster and shouts out...'Where's Dick? I need Dick!!'

A good job he wasn't Mike Hunt.

 

[Dan391]

At ISL a few years back now, sat in the land rover at the lights waiting for them to go green after the jets had landed, a fellow SAC, in his comedy monotone northern voice, pipes up with
'blimey, don't those jets come in low when they land!'
'Yes mate, they almost hit the ground!'​

 

[sumps]

repare the sand bags

repare the sand bags

Back in the day of thegood’ol tac-eval in the land of the giant four prop freighter so large you could almost get lost in side it was announced via the tannoy that the meals in the form of hot lox and an American style cup cake where available room the’ rcts controller in the crew room.. After the initial rush the then sengess walked in and demanded right then chiefwheres whers my lunch and give me a muffin’ to wit the FS patted him on the back and said your just the man to do it.. hence the phrase “crack on”

 

[Gord]

Pilot--- Something loose in tailplane

Tech'--- Something loose in tailplane tightened

Co-pilot--- Dead bugs on windscreen

Tech'--- Live bugs on back order

Pilot---Strange banging noise beneath cockpit floor, sounds like a midget banging on the floor with a hammer.

Tech'--- Hammer taken away from midget

 

[Scouser812]

Pilot--- Something loose in tailplane

Tech'--- Something loose in tailplane tightened

Co-pilot--- Dead bugs on windscreen

Tech'--- Live bugs on back order

Pilot---Strange banging noise beneath cockpit floor, sounds like a midget banging on the floor with a hammer.

Tech'--- Hammer taken away from midget

Pilot - mouse in cockpit
Techie - cat installed


Pilot - suspected crack in windscreen
Techie - suspect you're right

Pilot - whining sound on engine shutdown
Techie - pilot removed from aircraft

 

[Sidney Smutt]

Slag Mag at 'The Factory'

Slag Mag at 'The Factory'

1980/1990's usual TG3 SAC/JT's first posting - the grind of the factory. A book was started for the commenst that used to come from some of the less intelligent members of the fraternity......Upon hearing a news story from the late 80's about Hurricane Gilbert in the US of A, a young J/T pipes up....... 'If I was a Hurricane and they called me Gilbert I would be well ****ed off'........Spending our valuable work time building a Star-Trek type control desk for the Sgt's Mess 'Space Summer-Ball' we hit the problem of how to light it up. One wag came up with the idea of putting glow worms inside the coloured discs on the console.......... 'Don't be stupid' replied one the new LAC's 'How would we feed them'......................