I've been diagnosed with Terminal Cancer...

[Sospan]

SPECIALIZED, I am humbled by your openness in what must be horrific times.

I am not 100% sure on this but I spoke to a guy from the forces pension society a while back who mentioned something about death in service benefits on AFPS 75. It was on the lines of buying a AVC, if you did that you, any death in service would leave the widow/widower with an extra years salary.

I am not sure how accurate that was and if there is any qualifying procedure.

Definitely worth asking the question.

The details are here

It also mentions about increasing spouse pension to 66% from 50%.

Best wishes

Sos

 

[SPECIALIZED]

Cheers Sospan, i'll ask the pensions folk, Saafa are sorting out a meeting between us to discuss whats available, sums involved etc.

 

[Hu Jardon]

One of my guys was in a similar position to yours shortly before I was demobbed. The Chf Clk got him to sign up for all the Dincome and Ben Fund policies before he was too far along. That got his missus a good few more quid, might be worth looking into.

 

[rigpig]

Hi Spec, Im astounded by your pragmatism and sense of humour, you are an inspiration.

I wanted to help you and your family in a practicable way but as Im not a lottery winner, member of parliment or a FIFA member so money is a bit tight.

However I did try and have a think what would I would want in your situation.

I came up with the idea of a family holiday. I started a thread on a different forum and this was the responce.

http://www.thedibb.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=514804

I wish you, your mrs and your kids the best of luck for the time you have left.

keep smiling mate!

 

[Sospan]

Cheers Sospan, i'll ask the pensions folk, Saafa are sorting out a meeting between us to discuss whats available, sums involved etc.

No worries, I read up on it, if I am right it might be worth 35k for an monthly 10% deduction from your pay.

 

[SPECIALIZED]

Cheers guys, outstanding advice Hu, i'll be in to see c/clark on Tuesday.

Regarding a holiday, because my youngest is only 2 and i am pretty fatigued at the moment, we have applied for a week in Seacot House, the RAFBF, 3 bedroom detatched house, on the beach Littlehampton in August. Its only 40 miles from us, and is really only to give the kids a different space to play about in for a while.

My wife suggested i fly up to Edinburgh to see my mates so iv'e booked while i have got some energy. What a kind woman. I'll stay with my brothers familily. The Friday night will be in my old local where people i grew up with, played rugby & footy and worked alongside are coming along. Extra bar staff will be on and the landlord is going to sort enough catering for everyone which is really kind of him. Kind of a "Farewell Tour" i suppose with a more intimate lunch to be had on the Saturday for close friends only.

Can't wait.

Sorry about the typos by the way, the steroids i am on make me tremble like mental, if i brought a glass of milk from the kitchen, i'td be butter by the time i reached my seat. Can never seem to get enough sugar in my tea either although Claire says i do manage to get it somewhere. Surprised we've not got ants marching everywhere.

 

[SPECIALIZED]

Just had a look on the SPVA website, their forms for AVC sadly have:

2. I am not under notice of invaliding or premature retirement, nor have I any reason to believe that my health may
prevent me from continuing in the Service until the completion of my commission/engagement.

and the Added years form has:

3. Purchase by Regular Deductions from Salary. I certify that at the date of signing this option, I have at least 2 years
to serve between my next birthday and the end of my current engagement. I understand that if I leave the Armed Forces
before age 55, I will not have bought the full entitlement and so the benefits will be reduced by the scheme actuary.

so that would be a bit of a fib if i went down that path. Mind you, i have fibbed before but the percentage of salary on the calculation sheet is not even down for the age i am now (44) and when i joined up at 24. I don't qualify it would seem.

 

[Sospan]

Just had a look on the SPVA website, their forms for AVC sadly have:

2. I am not under notice of invaliding or premature retirement, nor have I any reason to believe that my health may
prevent me from continuing in the Service until the completion of my commission/engagement.



so that would be a bit of a fib if i went down that path. Mind you, i have fibbed before but the percentage of salary on the calculation sheet is not even down for the age i am now (44) and when i joined up at 24. I don't qualify it would seem.

That's a shame, we shall keep brain storming!

 

[Hu Jardon]

Spec

Have you got your own home or are you in quarters?

Reason I ask is that if you are in quarters but would rather spend your final months/years nearer your or your wifes family, so that your wife and kids are supported, it is not unknown to ask the Benevolent Fund for assistance. It is my experience if your case is good enough that the Ben Fund will purchase a house in your area of choice, they normally hunt out about 3 in your area of choice for you to view and they buy the one you choose. Then you rent it off them at a payment equivalent to quarters rent. When you die the rent "may" increase to the equivalent of a council house in that area but at least your family are housed where they want to be, not some scum hole where the council send them. Things may have changed since I left but your SSAFA case worker should be able to advise you.

If you own your own then consider applying to be posted (even though you are on PHF) nearer to your family and get the RAF or Ben Fund to fund or assist with the funding of the legal expenses of the house move

Good Luck Buddy

 

[spike7451]

Sorry to hear of your bad news SPECIALISED,I lost my Dad to cancer 11 years ago 27May, Having seen my Dad lying in hospital in his last few days then the stroke that left him literally a vegetable the day before he died,I wouldn't want to wish that on anybody.

I myself have been getting chest pains of late & am off work,5th week now,while awaiting tests for my heart.I'm on seven tablets a day now & constantly getting the chest pains if I walk down to the town or do any sort of physical activity (like putting the bins out) as well as being constantly out of breath.

It scares the f*** out of me that I may have to have an operation or may have a heart attack in my sleep.I'm only 44 (next week) & was,I thought,in fairly good nick for my age.

Good luck with your treatments mate.You're in my thoughts & prayers.

Regards,

Spike

 

[SPECIALIZED]

We are extremely lucky in that we live in our own home which was bought by my mother in law, when she had some (excess???) money after selling her back garden to Barretts. Bless her, she even bought me a new mountain bike at the time.
My wife and i love where we live i think my wife would go nuts with prolonged exposure to her mother again.

We have already been in touch with the local Hospice where we decided it would be best for me to go into when i am nearing the end. Our reasoning for this is that i don't want the kids to view the house to be "tainted" or the front bedrom to be "the room dad died in"

With regards to hospices, when my mum died in one, i though it was basic euthanasia, they just deprived her of fluid and food for the last 3 days and jacked her up on morphine until she went, however after reading the "last days / few hours" on Macmillin's website i now realise that the body can't process stuff by that point and it is generally the preferred way i want to go.

 

[RAF Bird]

Seriously mate my eyes well up a little more with every new post you make. I can't begin to imagine the pain your feeling in your heart knowing your going to leave those babies behind so soon. I really wish there was something I could actually do. Hat off to you my friend. Your one brave soul.

 

[SPECIALIZED]

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and fantastic support in this forum and in the private messages i have recieved. I haven't replied to them all as i'm a biff when it comes to forums and Pm's.
They have made me choke up a few times with the extraordinary kindness and help people are willing to give someone (a stranger, even) who happens to wear the same kit to work
A lot of words like "impressive" and "brave" have been put in some posts but i don't think these really apply to me. I am just trying to be honest & practical about the hand i have been delt and as for sense of humour, well that just comes with 20 years of the Raf way of life. After all, we are all used to laughing in the face of adversity, no matter which rank or whch trade group.

Something that sorted me out right away was this:
Just after i was diagnosed, i wandered down to Costa's in the Hospital foyer, i couldn't really text my wife saying "it's terminal, see you at visiting time", not the done thing and she'd have beat the **** out of me.

Wandering back to the ward in a bit of a daze, a five or six year old girl with a twisted spine, legs in calipers and on crutches was struggling along the corridor and i mean struggling, she was all over the place. Her mum asked her if she needed a hand and she said "no, i need to learn to do this for myself and the more i do the stronger i'll get"
That was it for me, i headed off to the nearest one man toilet and sobbbed my eyes out in shame (as i am now).
The bravery shown by that little girl in that one statement to her mum kind of put this in perspective for me. You can get on with it or let it consume you and decided there and then that it would not be allowed to take over my family but something that would have to fit in with us and be worked around.

Cheers
Ricky

 

[Ex-Bay]

I really wish there was something I could actually do. Hat off to you my friend. Your one brave soul.

Here here.
God Bless you.

 

[JFOM]

Ricky, I don't know you and I have never met you (not that I know anyway), but your attitude is very inspirational. You say you're not brave, but I for one believe that bravery is subjective, in my eyes you are!

I doff my hat to you and my thoughts and indeed my family's are with you and yours!

 

[fatboy11]

Seriously mate my eyes well up a little more with every new post you make. I can't begin to imagine the pain your feeling in your heart knowing your going to leave those babies behind so soon. I really wish there was something I could actually do. Hat off to you my friend. Your one brave soul.

Same from me too mate, found myself looking skywards for inspiration..... all I can do is root for ya and be there if theres anything no matter how trivial that I can do. PM if you need to.

 

[fat lazy techie]

Spec

I have a shed load of McMillan booklets that I'll be more than happy to send in your direction if you want them, just PM an address you want them sent to and they'll get the first class treatment. I know exactly what your wife is going through having been through it this year, although I'm glad you have more time than I experienced. I would stronly advise your wife and kids to take up the after care that should be offered by your hospice and the social work team.

With regards to your diagnosis my wife went through a similar situation, only being examined properly bt the third doctor to see her. By the time she was admitted to hospital for an ultrasound scan her tumour was abour 18 x 23 cm in size.

Best of luck with the treatment and make the most of your time and do what you can. Just remember to say what you want to say to people while you can.

 

[252]

I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words and fantastic support in this forum and in the private messages i have recieved. I haven't replied to them all as i'm a biff when it comes to forums and Pm's.
They have made me choke up a few times with the extraordinary kindness and help people are willing to give someone (a stranger, even) who happens to wear the same kit to work
A lot of words like "impressive" and "brave" have been put in some posts but i don't think these really apply to me. I am just trying to be honest & practical about the hand i have been delt and as for sense of humour, well that just comes with 20 years of the Raf way of life. After all, we are all used to laughing in the face of adversity, no matter which rank or whch trade group.

Something that sorted me out right away was this:
Just after i was diagnosed, i wandered down to Costa's in the Hospital foyer, i couldn't really text my wife saying "it's terminal, see you at visiting time", not the done thing and she'd have beat the **** out of me.

Wandering back to the ward in a bit of a daze, a five or six year old girl with a twisted spine, legs in calipers and on crutches was struggling along the corridor and i mean struggling, she was all over the place. Her mum asked her if she needed a hand and she said "no, i need to learn to do this for myself and the more i do the stronger i'll get"
That was it for me, i headed off to the nearest one man toilet and sobbbed my eyes out in shame (as i am now).
The bravery shown by that little girl in that one statement to her mum kind of put this in perspective for me. You can get on with it or let it consume you and decided there and then that it would not be allowed to take over my family but something that would have to fit in with us and be worked around.

Cheers
Ricky

I to can remember when on chemo wheeling my rig out to the toilet to have a tizer colored p!ss and meeting a 5 or 6 year old little blond haired girl in the corridor with the same rig out to do the same.

The chemo nurse told me she was of the childrens ward next door and had a particularly aggressive form of leukemia.

I had managed to hold it together for about 8 weeks since i was diagnosed but when i got back to my chair i just burst out crying...................it just didn't seem fair.

At 44 i had had a decent life and more importantly a chance to make of life what i choose......................what chance did she have?.

I gained so much strenth at that poor little girls expense.

I'm presently in remission but the long term prognosis aint to hot,in my darker moments i still draw strenth from that chance meeting.

Soldier on Ricky

Yours in the big C Bill

 

[Oberon305]

.......My immediate though was my boy is only 2 and i want to take him to school on his first day, who will be his male role model etc, my 13 year old is a very bright, clever, head screwed on the right way girl so i have no great worries about her growing up well adjusted but my 7 year old girl is the arty sensitive type who i am sure will put my wife through the mangler as she grows.

You've just made me cry a bit at work. Selfish barsteward. (edited as Cnut a bit harsh, even in a jokey sense!)

 

[Stax]

Ricky boy, maybe you don't think you're brave, but sharing your thoughts etc with us is above and beyond. We wil all be thinking of you.