Bengo's One Stop motor shop

[gemarriott]

S2's Christmas pressie

S2's Christmas pressie

I was wondering if Mrs Sausage2 sought your advice before buying S2 his new transport? If so Bengo be ashamedDT_Xtremez_31:

 

[sausage2]

FFS thats just nasty, I may be 1 or 2 pounds over weight, but thats wrong. And anyway, I keep telling you, It's glandular

 

[gemarriott]

FFS thats just nasty, I may be 1 or 2 pounds over weight, but thats wrong. And anyway, I keep telling you, It's glandular

I'm just p1ssed off cos you got your new signature first.

 

[dantura]

Dear BengO,

We have recently downsized our second car, a '92 mini cooper 1.3i, because it needed too much work and I didn't have the time to do it, to a Smart 4-2 Pulse 0.7ltr.
Now, my problem is that it advertised that it could do 61mpg, but after careful calculations it appeared that it is only doing 53mpg, and the £40/year road tax doesn't quite make up for it.

Should I just accept it as advertising fluff, or go and kick off with the dealer, or should I slow down a bit from 80mph which apparently the car isn't exactly designed for?

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Oh BTW, it's Mrs D's car so I'm not a closet, but I do use it occasionally just to stay in touch with my feminine side...apparently.

D

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Dear BengO,

We have recently downsized our second car, a '92 mini cooper 1.3i, because it needed too much work and I didn't have the time to do it, to a Smart 4-2 Pulse 0.7ltr.
Now, my problem is that it advertised that it could do 61mpg, but after careful calculations it appeared that it is only doing 53mpg, and the £40/year road tax doesn't quite make up for it.

Should I just accept it as advertising fluff, or go and kick off with the dealer, or should I slow down a bit from 80mph which apparently the car isn't exactly designed for?

Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Oh BTW, it's Mrs D's car so I'm not a closet, but I do use it occasionally just to stay in touch with my feminine side...apparently.

D

with any motor it's almost impossible to match the manufacturers quoted fuel economy figures anyway. Also you say that you only recently purchased this car and so you are quoting the mpg you have been getting during recent cold, dark, winter driving. During the winter months you will tend to drive with the heaters on, rear-screen heater, heated de-mist (maybe using the aircon), headlights, foglights etc. All of these electric gizmos take their power from somewhere and with a puny 0.7l engine, will make quite a dent in the efficiency.

(I'm sure some clever dick will quote that cold weather increases the density of the air and so will improve the efficiency of the engine - especially a turbo-charged unit. However, we don't live in Northern Canada and to get any notable improvement in engine performance due to cold weather you need seriously sub-zero temperatures)

To improve your economy, you could try switching all the heaters etc off, or simply not rag the nuts off it.

53 compared to a manufacturers quoted 61 is not too bad - see how it pans out over an entire year. Keep an eye on the figure though, and if it gets worse, get the car checked out.

Hope this helps

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Now your turn

Now your turn

Can the Goaters help me out?

Apparently my delightful BMW E46 touring has ISOFIX points fitted on the rear seats. Normally I wouldn't give a to$$ about such things providing they come in a stonkingly quick, reliable and well-engineered masterpiece of Germanic automotive wizardry but suddenly I find them very ineteresting indeed - lets just say I might have cause to use them in about 40 weeks time DT_Xtremez_08:

Anyhew, any of you parternal Goaters care to share some insight into the ISOFIX system and some recommendations for the type of item I might need to fix to the ISOFIX fittings?

(Off to the Quack tonight with Mrs BEngO - wish me luck! DT_Xtremez_21: )

 

[katinthehat]

No idea about the ISOFIX bits hun - but Im a whizz at fitting car seats into lesser motors!!

Anyhow just wanted to say fingers crossed and all the breast!!!!!!!!!

 

[vim_fuego]

Congratulations Bengo...Things will NEVER be the same again!

At least you have a suitable vehicle already...When my first one came I had to wave goodbye to my 318Ti compact...sniff...DT_Xtremez_08:

 

[wgaf]

Can the Goaters help me out?

Apparently my delightful BMW E46 touring has ISOFIX points fitted on the rear seats. Normally I wouldn't give a to$$ about such things providing they come in a stonkingly quick, reliable and well-engineered masterpiece of Germanic automotive wizardry but suddenly I find them very ineteresting indeed - lets just say I might have cause to use them in about 40 weeks time DT_Xtremez_08:

Anyhew, any of you parternal Goaters care to share some insight into the ISOFIX system and some recommendations for the type of item I might need to fix to the ISOFIX fittings?

(Off to the Quack tonight with Mrs BEngO - wish me luck! DT_Xtremez_21: )

Bengo I've always had Audis, another set of Germanic automotive brilliance, the best kiddie seats I ever bought were the Audi made to measure ones, bit more expensive but when you're talking about a kids safety whats a few quid.
Oh and by the way congrats on becoming a soon to be grandparentDT_Xtremez_17:

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Thanks - but very early days yet.

I'm told Britax are good for publishing specific safety trials per make/model. I also like the idea of Recaro seats

 

[monobrow]

At least you have a suitable vehicle already...When my first one came I had to wave goodbye to my 318Ti compact...sniff...DT_Xtremez_08:

When my first came along, we had a 950cc Fiesta 3 door. That was a fookin struggle I tell thee!!! (well I was 19)

Congrats BEngO, May your nights be sleepless and the little patter of tiny feet means they've wet the bed AGAIN!

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Oh and by the way congrats on becoming a soon to be grandparentDT_Xtremez_17:

eh? why grandparent?

 

[katinthehat]

Thanks - but very early days yet.

I'm told Britax are good for publishing specific safety trials per make/model. I also like the idea of Recaro seats

Britax are excellent and have wonderful safety records. I would not trust my kids in anything else - they also cost that little bit more, but as Wgaf said, when it's your kids safety involved, money is no object.

 

[Hu Jardon]

Confused dot cum

Confused dot cum

Dear BEngO

As a Prestige German car owner owner with a large erection I am somewhat confused with the following article from a top shelf publication and would appreciate your advice and guidance

Hu

A London man whose 11-inch penis has gained him many admirers among the female sex is nothing more than "a sad inadequate" who compensates for his inability to acquire a prestige motor vehicle by "continually boasting" of his sexual conquests while continuing to drive a second-hand Lada estate, say his friends.
"It's pathetic," said a drinking buddy of well-endowed Bob Matthews, 23. "All we ever hear is 'I gave this bird the full eleven inches', or 'she couldn't wait to get her laughing gear round the 11-incher'. The fact is, everybody knows that it took Bob three attempts to pass his driving test. Then he bought a Triumph Herald before moving on to the bloody Lada. What he really wants is a BMW, and that's why we have to put up with his continual bragging."
A leading psychiatrist confirmed this analysis, noting: "In a society where social standing is measured by possessions, failure to obtain an impressive form of transport may result in deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. Although Bob is exceptionally gifted in the trouser department, it's clear that this cannot compensate for his failure to acquire the car of his dreams."
Bob strongly refutes the allegations. "When you're hung like a horse, women don't care what sort of car you drive," he told The Times. "But when I win the lottery and get that fuc*k-off red Ferrari, then I'll be able to pull some real class totty."

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Dear BEngO

As a Prestige German car owner owner with a large erection I am somewhat confused with the following article from a top shelf publication and would appreciate your advice and guidance

Hu

A London man whose 11-inch penis has gained him many admirers among the female sex is nothing more than "a sad inadequate" who compensates for his inability to acquire a prestige motor vehicle by "continually boasting" of his sexual conquests while continuing to drive a second-hand Lada estate, say his friends.
"It's pathetic," said a drinking buddy of well-endowed Bob Matthews, 23. "All we ever hear is 'I gave this bird the full eleven inches', or 'she couldn't wait to get her laughing gear round the 11-incher'. The fact is, everybody knows that it took Bob three attempts to pass his driving test. Then he bought a Triumph Herald before moving on to the bloody Lada. What he really wants is a BMW, and that's why we have to put up with his continual bragging."
A leading psychiatrist confirmed this analysis, noting: "In a society where social standing is measured by possessions, failure to obtain an impressive form of transport may result in deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. Although Bob is exceptionally gifted in the trouser department, it's clear that this cannot compensate for his failure to acquire the car of his dreams."
Bob strongly refutes the allegations. "When you're hung like a horse, women don't care what sort of car you drive," he told The Times. "But when I win the lottery and get that fuc*k-off red Ferrari, then I'll be able to pull some real class totty."

A very mixed up individual. Any comparison between the choice of a man's conveyance and the size of his manhood is pointless. Besides, it's what you do with it that counts. DT_Xtremez_15:

Of course our friend Kevin (aka PS) may habitually brag about his massive c0ck as he feels deep down that his Saxo is an inferior vehicle (which it is, it's french FFS).

All I can say is it doesn't matter what size your c0ck is, if you drive a BMW you clearly have a large brain able to appreciate the superb engineering genius that is a product of Germanic automotive mastery. Unlike a Jaguar, where to drive one you don't need a massive c0ck - you just need to BE one.

DT_Xtremez_14:

 

[gemarriott]

A very mixed up individual. Any comparison between the choice of a man's conveyance and the size of his manhood is pointless. Besides, it's what you do with it that counts. DT_Xtremez_15:

Of course our friend Kevin (aka PS) may habitually brag about his massive c0ck as he feels deep down that his Saxo is an inferior vehicle (which it is, it's french FFS).

All I can say is it doesn't matter what size your c0ck is, if you drive a BMW you clearly have a large brain able to appreciate the superb engineering genius that is a product of Germanic automotive mastery. Unlike a Jaguar, where to drive one you don't need a massive c0ck - you just need to BE one.

DT_Xtremez_14:

Just so there is no room for confusion here.

you drive a beemer right?
ergo you have a massive brain right?
but you don't have a massive cock right?

So the ladies and pink persuasion can be sure that if they believe size doesn't matter they can go for the rich kid in the beemer?

But if they want their eyeballs popped out of their skulls they need either the Chav in the saxo or the inbred in the Jag and their massive cocks?

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Just so there is no room for confusion here.

you drive a beemer right?
ergo you have a massive brain right?
but you don't have a massive cock right?

So the ladies and pink persuasion can be sure that if they believe size doesn't matter they can go for the rich kid in the beemer?

But if they want their eyeballs popped out of their skulls they need either the Chav in the saxo or the inbred in the Jag and their massive cocks?

you misunderstand - choice of vehicle bears no relation on the size of your manhood. People only think it does.

Men who actually are massive c0cks (as opposed to actually having one) drive Jags.

 

[Scaley brat]

you misunderstand - choice of vehicle bears no relation on the size of your manhood. People only think it does.

Men who actually are massive c0cks (as opposed to actually having one) drive Jags.

Apparently people who ARE massive c0cks drive BMW 7 series. It appears to be a motorway law, ask Tigger, I think you'll find it comes just after the one that says you must not use the lorry lane.......ever.

 

[Hu Jardon]

Point of order...............

Point of order...............

Just to clear something up I said I drove a Prestige German Motor - I said fcuk all about driving a BMW I'm not a pauper for Fcuks sake

DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[TheHogwartsBEngO]

Just to clear something up I said I drove a Prestige German Motor - I said fcuk all about driving a BMW I'm not a pauper for Fcuks sake

DT_Xtremez_28:

Maybach for you then?


(A Famous young Cpl was driven around in a Maybach once)