Single women and IVF

[lisab]

I am a single childless women heading the wrong way past 30yrs of age! I would love to have children one day but obviously I would like this to be with a bloke I love and who loves me but if I never met the 'perfect bloke' would it be right to go down this route, Im really not so sure. My question to the goaters is....Is it wrong to bring a child into the world without a father in its life? Link to article discuss

Edited to add: Not that Im planning this by the way!! Just interested in peoples views!!

 

[AllWoman]

okkkkkk...........in an ideal world all children would be brought up in the classic mum dad 2.4 children scenario but that doesn't always happen for varying reasons.

I do think that kids need both male and female influences in their life but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a mother and father. My kids' dad is 4000 miles away so not exactly an active influence in their lives but they do have their uncles and my dad, and ok they aren't perfect kids, but show me ones who are, but they are good kids with no serious issues in their lives.

So I don't see any reason why a woman can't go down that route if she feels she can give a child the love and nurturing they need.

 

[BiGjD]

In todays modern society single parent families are becoming more and more common. I had an amazing 11 years living with my old man but my parents split up and I stayed with my mum for various reasons (dad wanted to move away etc I didn't want to leave my buds).

Anyway in my experience it can vary my experience of a single parent family has not been a very good one. I was forced to grow up fast to support my mum and my younger bro in an area that to be honest can best be described as hostile! It has been a very difficult 10 years for me and my family here but in a way it has helped me too. Im generally a more responsible bloke than many people I know who live round here and I believe a lot of it was down to being forced to grow up fast.

BUT obviously it wasn't the nicest environment to spend my teenage years in so it depends on circumstance.

If you have the money and lifestyle in which to raise a child in a comfortable environment alone then yeah it would more than likely be perfectly fine just some people struggle to cope with children alone and thats something to think hard about before you do anything. If you feel you can handle it and you live in a safe area then by all means go for it but I can only begin to imagine what it must be like raising a child alone.

In conclusion I think it can work but a lot of it depends on the person and how he/she can cope alone without another parent around. If your able to manage then your child would live a perfectly normal and happy life DT_Xtremez_19:

 

[pixie]

Lisa, I can totally see where you're coming from. I'm 30 something and single with no kids. I get my days when I'm quite broody, but I'm not sure if I want to change my lifestyle to have a child, but then again I do! I keep joking to my friends that I want a 'sperm donor' but maybe its just not meant to be?!?!? I dont see the harm in a single person bringing up a child, it happens everday in the UK and people cope. Single people can also adopt, have you thought about that?

 

[Studley dangerfcuk]

I dont see any difference between you bringing up a child yourself or if you were in a relationship and it broke down. Your single at the end of the day.



Studley :S

 

[Parky]

I dont see any difference between you bringing up a child yourself or if you were in a relationship and it broke down. Your single at the end of the day.



Studley :S

There is one Big difference in the two Scenarios.

There is still a father that the child could turn to in a split relationship, and on another level for the mother to have respite time.

 

[Parky]

In reply to the original question.

Women should feel lucky that they have the option of having a child without a Partner. I know a couple of single blokes in thier 30's myself included who would love kids and this is obviously not possible..Not that i am going out looking for a mother for my babies.. When the time is right that will happen.

My personal view is it is selfish to go down the route of IVF outside of a relationship on 2 levels.

The first if you have it on the NHS you may be denying a couple who are unable to concieve naturally the chance to try in an already over stretched system

The Second I believe a child should have access to both parents as it makes for a more balanced upbringing. I know that some Parents become single parents for other reasons but I dont think it should be planned from the outset.

 

[Studley dangerfcuk]

Parky.
That depends on how bad the split was/is. From personal experience I might as well not had a father. It was very bitter on both sides and it was alot of years later that we got in touch again.

Studley

 

[kidcock]

I am a single childless women heading the wrong way past 30yrs of age! I would love to have children one day but obviously I would like this to be with a bloke I love and who loves me but if I never met the 'perfect bloke' would it be right to go down this route, Im really not so sure. My question to the goaters is....Is it wrong to bring a child into the world without a father in its life? Link to article discuss

Edited to add: Not that Im planning this by the way!! Just interested in peoples views!!

I'm assuming that you are planing on emigrating. Why anyone would want to introduce a new child into this country is beyond my comprehension i'm afraid.

 

[muttywhitedog]

I've no problems with single women having IVF as long as they sign away their right to any state benefits.

Relationships break up - fact of life. Some parents die - fact of life, and in both of these, it is right that the remaining parent should be helped by the state when needed.

However IVF or getting pregnant as a single woman with no intention of bringing the child up in a 2-parent family is a lifestyle choice and I would resent having to pay taxes to fund someone's fashion accessory.

 

[vim_fuego]

I've no problems with single women having IVF as long as they sign away their right to any state benefits.

You beat me to it...Unless they plan to carry on working once the child is born then I say no...getting IVF with the sole intention of sitting back on benefits just to satisfy the want of fulfilling motherhood isn't on in my books...I know it happens already with girls getting preggers to get accom on the state and thats wrong too and should be addressed along with the myriad of other social probs we have in our society today...

 

[True Blue Jack]

I'm a bluff old traditionalist and I firmly believe that children should be raised in a nuclear family with a mother and father wherever possible.

Obviously life gets in the way and makes that difficult at times. Parents sometimes split up, one parent may die or one-night stands sometimes end up in pregnancy (although there should be no excuse for that in this day and age). But to deliberately set out to bring a child into a single parent household is wrong in my opinion.

 

[rest have risen above me]

I am a single childless women heading the wrong way past 30yrs of age! I would love to have children one day but obviously I would like this to be with a bloke I love and who loves me but if I never met the 'perfect bloke' would it be right to go down this route, Im really not so sure. My question to the goaters is....Is it wrong to bring a child into the world without a father in its life? Link to article discuss

Edited to add: Not that Im planning this by the way!! Just interested in peoples views!!

Is your rent going up? You're just looking at the flat situation aren't you?....lolDT_Xtremez_15:

Never in the world should this happen.
We all strive for what is perceived to be a perfect situation and at the moment the boffins/trick cyclists are of the opinion that Mum, Dad, Big Brother, Little Sister etc seems to be the better option.
Now I'm really old fashioned and have a problem with IVF let alone IVF outside marriage.

 

[Bitburger]

I am a single childless women heading the wrong way past 30yrs of age! I would love to have children one day but obviously I would like this to be with a bloke I love and who loves me but if I never met the 'perfect bloke' would it be right to go down this route, Im really not so sure. My question to the goaters is....Is it wrong to bring a child into the world without a father in its life? Link to article discuss

Edited to add: Not that Im planning this by the way!! Just interested in peoples views!!

I think Kevin/Dale is looking for a new Burd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[gemarriott]

parenting is hard enough if there are 2 of you. To voluntarily go it alone indicates insanity or saintliness and there aren't many saints alive today,

 

[pie sandwich]

Gem you haven't met my mum, she can put mother Teresa to shame.

My parents got divorced when I was 11, and she raised me and my sister alone and she did a good job of it. I have not seen my dad since and he didn't help out with cash once.

But I do feel it is better to have both parents there first even if it doesn't last.
I would like kids too but due to a heredatry condition with I would pass on it would be wrong to know I gave that to my kids. So I can understand a little bit when people want kids but for what ever reason they can't, but to do it on your own is crazy, it has already been said its hard enough when there is two of you to raise then little ankle biters

 

[Lozzer]

If I were in your situation and had the option of IVF and/or freezing my eggs, I would. I never felt broody until my mid 30's and then tried for a baby unsuccessfully. Eventually, when we weren't trying and at the most inopportune time, I got pregnant and had my son. It is the best and most difficult thing I have ever achieved. It changed my outlook on on my career, financial obsession and priorities.I wish I had more but it is not to be. I have so many friends of my generation (in their 40's now) who have tried and failed to have children. There is not one who doesn't wish they had done something about it earlier. There is no right time to have children and if you are lucky to have some then it will be hard whether or not there are 2 of you. I have no problem with the benefit issue either. You have paid your taxes so why shouldn't you have help there if needed. BTW before anyone assumes I am on benefits, I am not or ever have been . Don't get to the stage where it is too late to do anything about it,Good luck if you decide to go down this route

 

[Ex-Bay]

I am a single childless women heading the wrong way past 30yrs of age! I would love to have children one day but obviously I would like this to be with a bloke I love and who loves me but if I never met the 'perfect bloke' would it be right to go down this route, Im really not so sure. My question to the goaters is....Is it wrong to bring a child into the world without a father in its life? Link to article discuss

Edited to add: Not that Im planning this by the way!! Just interested in peoples views!!

The thing that troubles me with all this IVF stuff is this: The donor is still the Father of the child and therefore, in Law, has certain rights and responsibilities which cannot be avoided (mostly financial, I think).

I cannot for the life of me understand Lesbians (or even Gays) wanting to do something which is outside normality just to stuff the system and introduce further legal problems. It also raises the problems of DNA (remember that recent case where it was discovered that they were Brother & Sister?).

And what would be the reaction of the kids at school. Produce a Birth Certificate which says "Name of Mother . . . . . . ALice Bloggs", Name of Father . . . . Not known" ? It would not just be a trying time for Mum on her own, but a young child with this load needs help.

I fear it will be several years (generations?) before it is accepted generally, and then only if there's a national DNA database (which I oppose).

But LisaB, good luck to you. I hope you meet the man of your dreams and settle down to a happy life.


DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[gemarriott]

Gem you haven't met my mum, she can put mother Teresa to shame.

My parents got divorced when I was 11, and she raised me and my sister alone and she did a good job of it. I have not seen my dad since and he didn't help out with cash once.

But I do feel it is better to have both parents there first even if it doesn't last.
I would like kids too but due to a heredatry condition with I would pass on it would be wrong to know I gave that to my kids. So I can understand a little bit when people want kids but for what ever reason they can't, but to do it on your own is crazy, it has already been said its hard enough when there is two of you to raise then little ankle biters

that was what I was getting at, a lot of people do very wellraising kids solo but seldom do it by choice

 

[pie sandwich]

Ex-bay brings up a good point, A few months ago there was a fella who had donated sperm to two lesbian friends, and all was well untill the CSA got wind of it and forced him to stump up a pot load of cash because the two lesbians had split up!!