I'm the Orderly Cpl

[Martin Blank]

Many moons ago I was on my JMLC at Halton.
While there one of the instructors......the RAF bloke who almost won Gladiators (he was coachng the real guy but had to take over) read us a self penned ditty.
It went on about the RAF and duties and at the end it went something like........ and why do I do this.......it's because I'm the Orderly Cpl.
I'm just wondering if the original penman is here and still has a copy or anyone else knows it.
Gutted I never wrote it down at the time but that line sticks with me whenever I have to do a cr@p job or wonder why I'm still here.

 

[Ronsuddes]

I'm the Orderly Cpl

Many moons ago I was on my JMLC at Halton.
While there one of the instructors......the RAF bloke who almost won Gladiators (he was coachng the real guy but had to take over) read us a self penned ditty.
It went on about the RAF and duties and at the end it went something like........ and why do I do this.......it's because I'm the Orderly Cpl.
I'm just wondering if the original penman is here and still has a copy or anyone else knows it.
Gutted I never wrote it down at the time but that line sticks with me whenever I have to do a cr@p job or wonder why I'm still here.

Whilst in Gibraltar in 1968 I received an out of hours call from Operations to say the a Brittannia was being diverted into Gib with an engine problem and I would need to find 46 beds for the other ranks on board.
As Gib was running down I soon found the 46 beds, but then needed 46 sets of bedding.
I had signed for the bedding in the Transit Bedding Store, but on checking the stacks of 10 blankets I found half of them to be only strips of blanket and I had a major deficiency on my hands which would probably cost me money.
I was relieved when a mate rang to ask how it was going and I told him about the Bedding Store problem. He told me not to worry as it was him, not Operations, who had rung. I signed the Bedding Store over the next morning.

 

[themardyrigger]

Is this the one you want?

THE UNKINDEST (DEFENCE) CUT OF ALL
Copywrite Pete Wyton

I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
I've an office in M.O.D.
And a copy of Queen's Regulations
Which only apply to me.
I can post myself to Leuchars
And detach me from there to Kinloss
Or send me on course to Innsworth
Then cancel the lot - I'm the Boss.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force
But the great parliamentary brains
Omitted, when cancelling people,
To sell off the stations and planes,
The result is, my inventory bulges
With KD and camp stools and Quarters,
Plus a signed book of speeches by Trenchard
That I keep to impress the reporters.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
I suppose you imagine it's great
To be master of all you survey but
I tell you, it's difficult, mate.
I inspected three units last Thursday
As A.O.C. (Acting) of Strike,
Then I swept half the runway at Laarbruch
And repaired Saxa Vord's station bike.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
My wife says I'm never at home,
When I'm not flying Hercs I'm at Manston,
Laying gallons and gallons of foam,
Or I'm in my Marine Craft at Plymouth,
Shooting flares at the crowds on the Ho,
Or I'm Orderly Corporal at Uxbridge,
It's an interesting life, but all go.




I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
I'm A.D.C. to the Queen,
I'm Duty Clerk at St. Mawgan,
I'm the R.A.F. rugby team,
Tomorrow I'm painting a guardroom
And air-testing several planes,
The day after that I'm for London
To preach at St. Clement Dane's.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force
And I'm due to retire before long,
There's been no talk of any replacement
And I won't even let me sign on.
I hope to enjoy my retirement,
I've put up a pretty good show,
But I won't cut myself off entirely.
There are always reunions, y'know

 

[dkh51250]

Mardyrigger, I posted the above elsewhere on this site. His manager, a very nice gent sent me the message below. Give "Peter Wyton" a google.

Hi,
The poem that you've posted was written by M. Sig. P I Fisher while he was serving at RAF Wyton in the 70s. He is now a recognised poet who goes under the pen name Peter Wyton. While he is quite happy to have this poem posted on the web or elsewhere [it seems to have a life of its own and turns up all over the place, often in a garbled form] it must be attributed to him. Could you put (c) Peter Wyton at the end of it please?
Thanks in advance.

 

[Martin Blank]

No I've seen that one in my search for the one I'm after.
The one I'm after was written by an a/c rigger who was a JMLC Instructor back in 2001/2

 

[Climebear]

Is this the one you want?

THE UNKINDEST (DEFENCE) CUT OF ALL
Copywrite Pete Wyton

I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
I've an office in M.O.D.
And a copy of Queen's Regulations
Which only apply to me.
I can post myself to Leuchars
And detach me from there to Kinloss
Or send me on course to Innsworth
Then cancel the lot - I'm the Boss.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force
But the great parliamentary brains
Omitted, when cancelling people,
To sell off the stations and planes,
The result is, my inventory bulges
With KD and camp stools and Quarters,
Plus a signed book of speeches by Trenchard
That I keep to impress the reporters.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
I suppose you imagine it's great
To be master of all you survey but
I tell you, it's difficult, mate.
I inspected three units last Thursday
As A.O.C. (Acting) of Strike,
Then I swept half the runway at Laarbruch
And repaired Saxa Vord's station bike.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
My wife says I'm never at home,
When I'm not flying Hercs I'm at Manston,
Laying gallons and gallons of foam,
Or I'm in my Marine Craft at Plymouth,
Shooting flares at the crowds on the Ho,
Or I'm Orderly Corporal at Uxbridge,
It's an interesting life, but all go.




I'm the last man left in the Air Force,
I'm A.D.C. to the Queen,
I'm Duty Clerk at St. Mawgan,
I'm the R.A.F. rugby team,
Tomorrow I'm painting a guardroom
And air-testing several planes,
The day after that I'm for London
To preach at St. Clement Dane's.


I'm the last man left in the Air Force
And I'm due to retire before long,
There's been no talk of any replacement
And I won't even let me sign on.
I hope to enjoy my retirement,
I've put up a pretty good show,
But I won't cut myself off entirely.
There are always reunions, y'know

Worryingly nearly all the stations mentioned either closed or are closing.

 

[Ex-Bay]

There was an A/C Electrics Instructor at a Cosford round about 2000 quoted this one, or one very like it.

 

[foxOneFive]

the RAF bloke who almost won Gladiators

the RAF bloke who almost won Gladiators

Many moons ago I was on my JMLC at Halton.
While there one of the instructors......the RAF bloke who almost won Gladiators (he was coachng the real guy but had to take over) read us a self penned ditty.
It went on about the RAF and duties and at the end it went something like........ and why do I do this.......it's because I'm the Orderly Cpl.
I'm just wondering if the original penman is here and still has a copy or anyone else knows it.
Gutted I never wrote it down at the time but that line sticks with me whenever I have to do a cr@p job or wonder why I'm still here.

That'll be Brian then, who was at Base Hanger BZN. B team, circa 1982

 

[BJW]

Brian W**d, PVR'd from Halton about 2003/4 and moved to NZ in the hope of becoming an Outward Bound type instructor, last I heard from him a few years ago he had joined the RNZAF and was serving as a basic training instructor.