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Halton for the Reservist – a SAGA holiday for the restless Giffer
Arrived back this afternoon after the 15 day Reserves Initial Training course in Halton, so if you are of the older persuasion and thinking about joining, here is an outline of what it is like for “older candidate”.
First; space.
You will probably be used to going to work, contacting up to 10 or so people in a day, driving home on your own and perhaps spending some “me” time in the gym, pub or shed. Forget it. From the moment you arrive on the Friday night you are going to be in the company of the entire course for the next 15 days. They are always there; always, and you will only ever be alone in your dreams or on the ****ter – and even then that’s not a given. That was a tough one even for an ex RAF bloke. You must learn to love them. Ultimately, you will I assure you live quite comfortably in the pockets of your colleagues and move and act as one organism, sharing their farts without comment and returning their underpants to them when they leave them in the shower – like any good marriage.
Next, place.
I know Halton well. Spent 3 years there in the 70’s as an Appo and in a morbid way wanted to see it through those beautiful rose tinted nostalgic eyes as the accommodation we shared is just a few blocks away from the old gaff. In the event, all I recalled in the permanent November world of dawn and dusk in Groves was the ****tily unhappy times. None the less, the accommodation is now open plan with I guess up to 16 in a room (we had 14). After the first 1 or 2 nights you get used to it though. It’s also on a hill – a ****ing big one; and as the course progresses you will be expected to carry exponentially heavier pieces of **** up and down it, just as we did as appo’s but without the attendant youthful enthusiasm. But, back to the block. You will be expected over the course of 4+ bullnights and efforts every day to keep this to the same standard. This of course is not normal and it will unnecessarily pre-occupy much of your time there – this is a routine as prosaic and as welcome as the application of pile cream, but all part of the overall pastiche. The key is to make it Look good, not be good. This is a dump with little or no money invested since Maggie ran the place, but then again it’s just 2 weeks. What it does do, especially in the second week when you are essentially buggered all the time, is sort the wheat out from the chaff – don’t be the chaff.
Next, age.
There is no way to sugar coat this. The older you get, the tougher you will find it and the level of fitness you have can only slightly mitigate this. I will qualify that statement. I am sitting here without a pair of trousers that will stay up, simply because by the age of 50 one is usually behind a desk and the daily or twice daily blast round the locale or gym that I prepared for this, didn’t work. There is no PT on this course – there is no need for it (though we did go to the gym for a wind down). When you are not being PPT’d to death, you are moving somewhere or doing something from 0600 in the morning to 1800 at night, and often beyond, and throughout you will be eating like a Somalian refugee in a pie factory – consider the calorific effect of that on your frame, and then add in the fact that many of these efforts seem to involve finding the fastest way to get your face into the mud and then returning it to whence it came a few second later. Your knees, back, and (curiously) your hands are going to take a pounding. In short, unless you are a farmer or a tramp, this is going to give you a bit of a kicking and you will probably lose half a stone in the process. When you finish, you will really know you have done something to earn your £34 quid a day (before tax).
Next, the discipline
Your course will be staffed by a mix of FTRS (Reservists Regiment working full time) and serving RAF Regiment staff. This small cadre of specialists have some history in real situations and may seem a little “intense” at times – but there is a purpose
IFPT is the regiment element of the recruits basic training, and they will do in 20 days (4 weeks) what you will do in 15 (2 weeks) – and this means they have to push you quite hard. In this equation is also the regiment way of doing business, which is considerably more robust since the start of the sand pit wars and the attendant losses. Be prepared to be shouted at rather a lot and bollocked for seemingly minor infractions, and keep the fly trap closed.
The fact is that the contemporary way of getting things done such as praise and reward do not apply here, and you do have to pay attention, all the time in order not to fail one of the many tests. As they put it, they don’t dick you around for no reason (the kids are another matter), they do it to keep you alive when deployed, and especially when you are sleep deprived as you will be – so if you wonder if they know you could sleep for a week, they do; that’s how they want you to be.
This is also true around the domestic area where the kids see you out and about and you have the reputation of the whole Reserve corps to uphold – you march with bibs everywhere, you remain polite and you get bed checked at 2300 nightly, just like they do.
Arrived back this afternoon after the 15 day Reserves Initial Training course in Halton, so if you are of the older persuasion and thinking about joining, here is an outline of what it is like for “older candidate”.
First; space.
You will probably be used to going to work, contacting up to 10 or so people in a day, driving home on your own and perhaps spending some “me” time in the gym, pub or shed. Forget it. From the moment you arrive on the Friday night you are going to be in the company of the entire course for the next 15 days. They are always there; always, and you will only ever be alone in your dreams or on the ****ter – and even then that’s not a given. That was a tough one even for an ex RAF bloke. You must learn to love them. Ultimately, you will I assure you live quite comfortably in the pockets of your colleagues and move and act as one organism, sharing their farts without comment and returning their underpants to them when they leave them in the shower – like any good marriage.
Next, place.
I know Halton well. Spent 3 years there in the 70’s as an Appo and in a morbid way wanted to see it through those beautiful rose tinted nostalgic eyes as the accommodation we shared is just a few blocks away from the old gaff. In the event, all I recalled in the permanent November world of dawn and dusk in Groves was the ****tily unhappy times. None the less, the accommodation is now open plan with I guess up to 16 in a room (we had 14). After the first 1 or 2 nights you get used to it though. It’s also on a hill – a ****ing big one; and as the course progresses you will be expected to carry exponentially heavier pieces of **** up and down it, just as we did as appo’s but without the attendant youthful enthusiasm. But, back to the block. You will be expected over the course of 4+ bullnights and efforts every day to keep this to the same standard. This of course is not normal and it will unnecessarily pre-occupy much of your time there – this is a routine as prosaic and as welcome as the application of pile cream, but all part of the overall pastiche. The key is to make it Look good, not be good. This is a dump with little or no money invested since Maggie ran the place, but then again it’s just 2 weeks. What it does do, especially in the second week when you are essentially buggered all the time, is sort the wheat out from the chaff – don’t be the chaff.
Next, age.
There is no way to sugar coat this. The older you get, the tougher you will find it and the level of fitness you have can only slightly mitigate this. I will qualify that statement. I am sitting here without a pair of trousers that will stay up, simply because by the age of 50 one is usually behind a desk and the daily or twice daily blast round the locale or gym that I prepared for this, didn’t work. There is no PT on this course – there is no need for it (though we did go to the gym for a wind down). When you are not being PPT’d to death, you are moving somewhere or doing something from 0600 in the morning to 1800 at night, and often beyond, and throughout you will be eating like a Somalian refugee in a pie factory – consider the calorific effect of that on your frame, and then add in the fact that many of these efforts seem to involve finding the fastest way to get your face into the mud and then returning it to whence it came a few second later. Your knees, back, and (curiously) your hands are going to take a pounding. In short, unless you are a farmer or a tramp, this is going to give you a bit of a kicking and you will probably lose half a stone in the process. When you finish, you will really know you have done something to earn your £34 quid a day (before tax).
Next, the discipline
Your course will be staffed by a mix of FTRS (Reservists Regiment working full time) and serving RAF Regiment staff. This small cadre of specialists have some history in real situations and may seem a little “intense” at times – but there is a purpose
IFPT is the regiment element of the recruits basic training, and they will do in 20 days (4 weeks) what you will do in 15 (2 weeks) – and this means they have to push you quite hard. In this equation is also the regiment way of doing business, which is considerably more robust since the start of the sand pit wars and the attendant losses. Be prepared to be shouted at rather a lot and bollocked for seemingly minor infractions, and keep the fly trap closed.
The fact is that the contemporary way of getting things done such as praise and reward do not apply here, and you do have to pay attention, all the time in order not to fail one of the many tests. As they put it, they don’t dick you around for no reason (the kids are another matter), they do it to keep you alive when deployed, and especially when you are sleep deprived as you will be – so if you wonder if they know you could sleep for a week, they do; that’s how they want you to be.
This is also true around the domestic area where the kids see you out and about and you have the reputation of the whole Reserve corps to uphold – you march with bibs everywhere, you remain polite and you get bed checked at 2300 nightly, just like they do.
Hopefully see you on the other side with that 'Green' card.