Full Metal Ccs... The Movie

[Bitburger]

07 45hrs Thursday RAF Anyway, Regiment Flt

A varied group of Techies, Clerks (HR Specialists), Cooks and Blanket Stackers are all lounging around waiting for the annual CCS class to start.


Instructor 'Right yous lot listen in, I am Cpl Penguins Suck your CCS instructor. . From now on, yous will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last word out of your mouth will be, Cpl! Do yous maggots understand?

The airmen mumble "Cpl Yes, Cpl."

PS ‘Right yous lot listen in. I can't hear you! Sound off like yous got a pair!"


"Cpl YES, CPL!"

PS Right yous lot listen in. Yous maggots had better start looking like RAF tradesmen. Do not think for one second that yous are Rocks. Right, its bop night tonight, so yous lot better not fcuk around because I want an early stack today'




Bitburger (in a John Wayne voice): "I think I'm going to hate this course’

[I] Sausage2 laughs, Cpl Penguins sucks laughs, too and walks slowly back along the line of airmen. "Right yous lot listen in. Who said that?"

Silence

Cpl Penguins Suck peers into each face. "Right yous lot listen in. Who said that?"

Bitburger "Cpl I did, Cpl'
Cpl Penguins Sucks aims his index finger between,Bitburger 's eyes and says, ",""Right yous listen in, I like honesty. I like yous. Hell, yous can come over to my house and fcuk my sister."

He grins.He punches Bitburger in the stomach. Bitburger sinks to his knees.

PS "Right yous, listen in before I do yous over. Yous little scumbag. I got your name. I got your ass. Yous will not laugh. Yous will not cry. Yous will learn by the numbers. I will teach yous to forward assist., if I ever see yous in the bop I will do yous over, stomp on your spleen and snap your spine
.
Cpl Penguins Suck puts his fists on his hips. "Right yous lot listen in. If yous ladies ever leave my classroom, if yous survive CCS training, yous will be a weapon, yous will be a minister of death, praying for war, yous will forward assist. Until that day you are pukes, you are scumbags, you are the lowest term of life on Earth. Yous are not even human. Yous people are nothing but a lot of little pieces of amphibian sh1t. and I am on the same pay scale as yous , so no more techie fat wallet jokes

Sausage2 grins

PS ""Right yous listen in. Yous got a name, scumbag?"

"Cpl, I'm sausage2, Cpl," he says with a thick Welsh accent.

PS ""Right yous lot listen in, sausage2 thinks I am a real funny guy. He thinks that CCS is more fun then a sucking chest wound."

Sausage2's face is frozen into a permanent expression of oat-fed innocence. Penguins suck punches sausage2 in the chest.

PS " Right yous lot listen in, Yous maggots are not going to have any fun here. Yous are not going to enjoy standing in straight lines and yous are not going to enjoy massaging your own wand. My orders are to weed out all nonhackers and non forward assistors who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Because I am hard, yous will not like me. But the more yous hate me, the more yous will learn to forward assist. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. because here yous are all equally worthless. Do yous understand?"

Some of the airmen mumble, "Cpl, Yes. Yeah. Yes, Cpl."

PS " Right yous lot listen in, I can't hear you, ladies!

"Cpl, YES, Cpl! "

PS " Right yous lot listen in, yous fcuk me off. Hit the deck." They crumple down onto the floor.

PS "Yous got no motivation, yous dont know how to forward assist. Do yous hear me, maggots? Listen up. I will give yous motivation. yous don't even know how to forward assist, I will show yous how to forward assist. Yous have no esprit de corp. I will give yous esprit de corps. Yous have no traditions. I will give yous traditions.

Cpl Penguins Suck struts, ramrod straight, hands on hips.

PS " Right yous lot listen in GET UP! GET UP!"

They get up, knees Sore, hands gritty.

PS " Right yous lot listen in Yous fat techie scumbags are too slow. Hit the deck."
Down.
Up.
Down.
Up.
Down.
PS. " Right yous lot listen in, Jesus H. Christ. Yous maggots are huffing and puffing the way your momma did the first time your old man put the meat to her."GET UP! GET UP!"
.
Sausage2 is slow getting up.Cpl Penguins Suck stands over him over him.

" Right yous listen in , on your feet yous fat techie tos$er

Sausage2gets up on one knee, hesitates, and then stands up, inhaling and exhaling. He grins.

PS " Right yous listen in. Why are you grinning at me, sausage2?"

S2 "I can't help it, Cpl!"
PS " Right yous listen in Yous got a crush on me?"
S2 "No, Cpl!"
PS Yous want to smoke my pole?"
S2 "No, Cpl!"
PS "Don't yous lie to me."
S2 "Cpl, I'm not...lying to you."
PS "YOU? YOU? Did yous say YOU? Everyone knows its yous not you. Do yous know what a ewe is? A ewe is a female sheep. A female sheep is for fcuking! Yous should know that yous is Welsh. Why do yous want to fcuk your CCS instructor???"

Cpl Penguins sucks punches sausage2 in the chest hard. Sausage2 doubles over with pain.

PS "Why did yous come on CCS?"
Sausage2 "Cpl To become a man, Cpl!"
PS "sausage2, yous may just be the very dumbest Techie in RAF History.



To be continued>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[Bitburger]

Full Meta CCs ___The Movie Part 2

Full Meta CCs ___The Movie Part 2

Later that day having passed the tick test,and been bored to death by the firemen; the course are ambling down the range to zero their weapons, they are chanting a chant that Cpl Penguins Suck has taught them


"This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must forward assist my rifle, I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me."


The course arrives at the range and Cpl Penguins Suck goes off for a crafty fag with the Range Warden. After 5 minutes sausage2 is laughing and joking and generally making a noise, while messing around with his L85. Cpl Penguins Suck rushes into the range hut.


PS ‘RIGHT YOUS LOT LISTEN IN, WHAT'S THIS MICKEY MOUSE SH1T? JUST WHAT IN THE NAME OF JESUS H. CHRIST ARE YOUS ANIMALS DOING IN MY RANGE HUT?"

Cpl Penguins Suck comes at the airmen like a mad dog. :

"MY FAG BREAK HAS BEEN DISTURBED, KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. YOU HEAR ME? IT MEANS THAT ONE OF YOUS HAS VOLUNTEERED HIS YOUNG HEART FOR A GODDAMN HUMAN SACRIFICE!

BITBURGER, YOUS SH1TBIRD. . WHY IS SAUSAGE2 HOLDING THAT WEAPON? WHY AIN'T YOU STOMPING SAUSAGE2’S GUTS OUT?

BITBURGER "CPL, IT IS MY DUTY TO REPORT TO THE CCS INSTRUCTOR THAT SAUSAGE2 HAS A FULL MAGAZINE AND HAS LOCKED AND LOADED, CPL!"

Penguins Suck puts all of his considerable powers of intimidation into his voice: " Right yous, listen in sausage2. Yous will place yous weapon on the rack-"

S2 NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! SHE'S MINE! YOU HEAR ME? SHE'S MINE! I LOVE HER!"

Penguins Sucks can't control himself any longer. " RIGHT YOUS LISTEN IN, YOUS FCUKING WORTHLESS LITTLE PIECE OF SH1T. YOUS TECHIE TO$$ER YOUS WILL GIVE ME THAT WEAPON OR I'M GOING TO TEAR YOUS BALLS OFF AND STUFF THEM DOWN YOUS THROAT! AND DO YOUs OVER BIG STYLE IN THE BOP. YOUS HEAR ME, AIRMAN? I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOUS FCUKING HEART OUT AND SNAP YOUS SPINE"

Sausage2 aims the weapon at Penguins Suck. He caresses the trigger guard, then caresses the trigger... he cocks the weapon AND FORWARD ASSISTS


Cpl Penguins Suck is suddenly calm. His eyes and his manner are those of a wanderer who has found his home. He is a man in complete control of himself and of the world he lives in. He smiles. It is not a friendly smile, but an evil smile, as though Cpl Penguin Suck were a werewolf baring its fangs.

PS ‘Sausage2, I'm proud of yous-"
BANG

The buttplate slams into sausage2 shoulder. One 5.52 millimetre, high-velocity, Full Metal Jacket bullet punches Cpl Penguins Suck backwards. He falls. Then dark blood squirts from a little hole in his sucking chest. The red blood blossoms into his CS95


Bitburger ‘Good skills sausage2. Result. Good job yous remembered to forward assist. Right lets get the patio lifted, dispose of the body and all go to the bop. Anybody want a clapped out Saxo?


The End

 

[gemarriott]

The Peni$ sucker is dead, what will we do for entertainment at the bop?

another masterpiece Bitburger

Bitte ein bitDT_Xtremez_30:

 

[Penguins Suck]

right listen in yous beerbuger i aint ded but whens i see yous in the naFFI bop yous will be. I will snap your spine. dont yous dare rite abut me you techie tw@t. and if i was ded i wud haunt yous.

ANd yous cud not handle my saxo

 

[Buphoonery]

right listen in yous beerbuger i aint ded but whens i see yous in the naFFI bop yous will be. I will snap your spine. dont yous dare rite abut me you techie tw@t. and if i was ded i wud haunt yous.

ANd yous cud not handle my saxo

Oi Pingu, for once we agree, I probably couldn't handle your Saxo, if it is anything like the Saxo I picked up in my rear tyre tread last week, drove me mad, all that click, click, click, had to pull over and pick the piece of French cr@p out of the tread.



Oh, and still made it to CCS on time and still remembered to forward assist...........

 

[MoggyCattermole]

ANd yous cud not handle my saxo[/QUOTE]


Yes I could .. and I only have two wheels .. DT_Xtremez_28:

How come you only have one Saxo .. I thought Roller skates came in pairs ??

 

[Stax]

Brilliant, just brilliant. PS is now a movie star, he can sign autographs (well put and X on things). Sell his wedding photos to "Loaded" magazine, drive around in a stretch Saxo and wear loads of "Bling" with his CS95. Bearing in mind the Drill Sgt from "Full Metal Jacket" had been a marine corps sgt in real life and is now seen regulary on movies, PS is this your future?

 

[mad_collie]

Brilliant, just brilliant. PS is now a movie star, he can sign autographs (well put and X on things). Sell his wedding photos to "Loaded" magazine, drive around in a stretch Saxo and wear loads of "Bling" with his CS95. Bearing in mind the Drill Sgt from "Full Metal Jacket" had been a marine corps sgt in real life and is now seen regulary on movies, PS is this your future?

Only if the muppet show is recruiting DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[MrMasher]

Mental note to self, stop reading bitburgers epics, running out of unpeed undies!!

 

[Mrs_Monobrow]

Cheers Bitburger, that brightened up my morning!!!

Although i have never seen full metal jacket, it still made me cry with laughter!!!

DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[Stax]

Mrs M! Never seen FMJ, Mr M make it so, all I can say is M.I.C K.E.Y M.O.U.S.Eee!

 

[Mrs_Monobrow]

nope never seen it, sorry!

but just for you stax, i will make it my mission!!!

DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[Bill Bones]

Fcuking sterling drills Bitburger - A crate of your fave brew shall hopefully make it to you if my Germany trip next year goes ahead!

Woo I believe I suggested a PS/FMJ script on here somewhere....

DT_Xtremez_28:

Kind Regards,

BB

 

[Mrs_Monobrow]

Mrs M! Never seen FMJ, Mr M make it so, all I can say is M.I.C K.E.Y M.O.U.S.Eee!

Stax, i just though i would let you know that Full Metal Jacket is on TCM on sunday night. I will be watching it, then everything you have said will make sense for me!!

DT_Xtremez_31:

 

[Ex-Bay]

Look forward to the next installment with keen interest. . . .
(Cpl. please can I go to the bog, please Cpl????"

 

[laboratoryqueen]

Look forward to the next installment with keen interest. . . .
(Cpl. please can I go to the bog, please Cpl????"

You may be waiting for some time then as the last installment on this was about a year and a half ago

 

[Get Tae]

You may be waiting for some time then as the last installment on this was about a year and a half ago

Yes but how else is he going to get his post count up and get the ribbons he so desires to make him look like a vet?

 

[spanners]

Get Tae,
you thought that too!DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[Comms_Lad]

Is this an example of necroposting? :S

Yes your post was an example of necroposting it added nothing whatsoever to the thread you may have just put "I Agree!" lol

My post however will bring something more to the thread and here it is

WE WANT MORE​

 

[mad_collie]

If there is any more, it will be on another thread.

This one is closed.