strangest/Funniest Guardroom log entries

[shettie]

You remember those long boring nights spent in the guardroom on duty dog? There were a stack of old logs that were just begging to be read? I remember one in particular:
Entry in the Finningley Guardroom log: (Then the home of the navigation school...)

20:30 - Ord Cpl and 2 airmen dispatched to NAAFI shop to investigate disturbance
20:45 – Ord Cpl and 2 Airmen returned to Guardroom – sweep carried out – nothing found
21:05 – Disturbance reported behind NAAFI Shop – Ord Cpl and 2 Airmen dispatched again to investigate
21:25 Ord Cpl and 2 Airmen back in Guardroom – again nothing found
21:40 Ord Sgt and 2 airmen to investigate another disturbance reported at NAAFI Shop
22:20 Above back in Guardroom. Discovered source of disturbance. Found a Flt Lt Smith, in an inebriated state close to the NAAFI Shop. When asked by the Ord Sgt if he needed any help to return to his accommodation Flt Lt Smith replied that he was a fcuking navigator and he’d find his own way fcuking way home!

 

[f4phixeruk]

Leuchars late 70's

SACW tr**ble reporting 2 naval airman had just brought a goat into the WRAF block

 

[FOMz]

Small (ex) engineering base in S. Wales - Mid 90's

'Two old cows seen walking through the gate (Not the sort found in the Red Dragon Club) - Scuffers info'd'

They had escaped from a local field and fancied a walk onto camp apparently

 

[shettie]

Leuchars late 70's

SACW tr**ble reporting 2 naval airman had just brought a goat into the WRAF block

Jeez - I remember that - and her - used to be an AATC! - It used to happen every time 360Sqn visited! - hilarious results - Wrafs jumping out of windows all over the block!

 

[PaddingtonStare]

A Sgt i worked for until recently was guard commander when a junior officer rang to say some how he had set light to his room and required another one. The aforementioned Sgt logged the entry and proceeded to do nowt about it as it was the guys own fault and at 2 in the morning who really cared.

Anyway a couple of days later the Sgt was phoned by the SWO who told him that the junior officer had reported him for not being overly helpful. The Sgt told her to look at the Log and that he logged all the actions he had undertaken, to which she replied " yes i have the log i see that you didn't log the fact that you called out the duty officer"

The Sgt replied "thats because i didn't"

The SWO thinking she had got the Sgt by the short and curlies, " oh really and why not?"

"Well he was sat next to me so i thought it would be a waste of a phone call"

Stunned silence followed by some muttering concluded the phone call DT_Xtremez_35:

 

[Northern Circuit]

At Buchan in the late 90's a frog was found outside the guardroom.

The duty Cpl put it under close arrest

It spent 4 days in the clink

The guardroom logs were meticulously kept up to date for the full 4 days.

 

[The Helpful Stacker]

Although this wasn't logged in the DOB it was a funny incident involving the guardroom staff.

Picture the scene, a very quiet weekend night shift at a very quiet rehabilitation centre near Leatherhead, complete with an A/Cpl copper straight out of training who had a few days previous watched 'The Ring' and was a bit jumpy.

After carefully distracting him, managing to unload his pistol so that he didn't shoot anyone, he was dispatched off around the garden to do a perimeter check, where unbeknown to him one of his female colleagues was waiting in hiding by the pond wearing a white outfit as seen in the film.

Whilst this was going on all except one of the guardroom staff sneaked off around the other direction to find themselves a good vantage position after informing the nursing staff on the ward of the up coming show.

Needless to say the results were slightly entertaining. The cooper slowly walking towards the pond, torch his hand, the light beam playing across the empty steps to the pond. The light beam then passing back across the steps spotting a pale faced female dressed in a soaking wet white dress, followed by the torch tumbling to the floor as said copper made a world record sprinting time in the direction of the guardhouse.

Bless him, as if there weren't enough ghost stories about Headley Court.

 

[oldhamboy1967]

At Buchan in the late 90's a frog was found outside the guardroom.

The duty Cpl put it under close arrest

It spent 4 days in the clink

The guardroom logs were meticulously kept up to date for the full 4 days.

That was probably the only way the Ord Cpl had of keeping warm writing DOB entries! Before they built the shelter on the front of the guardroom that wind howling through the hatch was horrendous... DT_Xtremez_03:

 

[suewilldo]

Small (ex) engineering base in S. Wales - Mid 90's

'Two old cows seen walking through the gate (Not the sort found in the Red Dragon Club) - Scuffers info'd'

They had escaped from a local field and fancied a walk onto camp apparently

Nooooooooooo...these were the VC`s mothers..you know the mums who frequented the Bops with their daughters.....!

 

[mad_collie]

There was a time in the early 90s when a certain Guard Commander decided to be 'extra vigilant' around the back of the WRAF block at a certain unit in the London area. He slipped and fell into the station pond, emerging looking (and smelling) like the creature from the black lagoon. Lots of sympathy for him (not). ******

 

[The Helpful Stacker]

There was a time in the early 90s when a certain Guard Commander decided to be 'extra vigilant' around the back of the WRAF block at a certain unit in the London area. He slipped and fell into the station pond, emerging looking (and smelling) like the creature from the black lagoon. Lots of sympathy for him (not). ******

The Sgt rock at RAF Locking who was in charge of the rock shop when I was based there had a nasty habit of hiding in bushes at night before jumping out on the armed guard to check they were paying attention.

Stupid **** was lucky someone didn't shoot him.DT_Xtremez_25:

 

[Fat2at]

2 memories from Leuchars from around 1995 - 1996 time.

1) Just started guard on nights, just got in and made a brew, lit a fag, turned tv on. 5 minutes into the shift a newsflash on BBC1 said that an enormous bomb had gone off in London - 1st one for a while and the IRA were suspected. Our very newly promoted Sgt Grd Cdr rang around all the piquet posts to break the news and warned them all not to cock their weapons unless necessary (bad enough). He then went on to grab the rest of us, took us to the bop (which had just opened), cleared the toilets and sent us in to check for bombs in the ladies and gents toilet cisterns!!

2) Just before I left there I was put on SWO's Marines for a fortnight. Some people were there, like me, as a bit of a holding thing but some were there to be punished. It was a very busy, funny 2 weeks and I will forever remember one guy from Ulster who was on with me. He was being punished because a couple of weeks back he was on guard - out on patrol with a radio - when he heard a running commentary by the RAF coppers as they chased a guy on foot all over camp. Eventually the commentary went quieter as one Plod had cornered the guy in part of a block and gave a slow, whispered step by step account of his approach. Silence ensued for some seconds before the guy from Ulster (with the only N. Irish accent on the net of 6 people) shouted 'BURNSIDE - ALL UNITS! GO! GO! GO! Class!

 

[Stax]

The Sgt rock at RAF Locking who was in charge of the rock shop when I was based there had a nasty habit of hiding in bushes at night before jumping out on the armed guard to check they were paying attention.

Stupid **** was lucky someone didn't shoot him.DT_Xtremez_25:

We had a Rock FS at Conz back in the 80's used to do the same thing, funnily enough he used to lurk in the bushes outside the WRAF block!

 

[Enguineer]

We had a Rock FS at Conz back in the 80's used to do the same thing, funnily enough he used to lurk in the bushes outside the WRAF block!

Yep, we had one at St Athan used to do the same as well as occupying the house that overlooked the main gate of East Camp, and checking on us at all hours of the night.

 

[kit]

A quiet weekend in wiltshire and some plumbing problems in the block, having reported this the block phone went so i answer
'war office- wanna fight'
got the reply 'yes this is the orderly officer flt lt porthing-smyth, can i speak to SAC Kit please.......'
he didn't seem to see the funny side...

 

[propersplitbrainme]

At RAF Wittering in the mid-80s, I read this set of entries.
Funnily enough, i'd been in the bowl at the time it happened.

21.50 - Ord Cpl. Phone call from bowling alley duty barman, a bit irate. A female had got a bit inebriated and was dancing on the tables having removed her knickers. Informed Ord Sgt who was here for the key check who decided this needed investigating further and dispatched himself to the bowl.
21.55 Ord Off, Fg Off X arrived for key check and asked where Ord Sgt was. I explained he was atttending an incident at the bowl. Ord off enquired as to the nature of the incident and, when I told him, was of the opinion that he should go and offer assisntance.
21.56 Ord off departure interupted by phone call from ord Sgt at bowl. He requested I call out Stn Duty Exec officer. I told him that the O.O. was present and handed the phone over. After a brief conversation the OO hung up and instructed me to carry out the Ord Sgts request and call out the Duty Exec. As a mere Fg off he was way out of his depth, the female in question was Sqn Ldr Y, OC PMS DT_Xtremez_35: