****ing noisy *******s

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

Will somebody at Marham please tell the idiots in the Tornados to stop flying over my house in Pentney on full afterburner.
I'm trying to have a bloody lie-in here, and some inconsiderate git keeps waking me up again.
If it happens again, I will be forced to get my air rifle out of the shed and shoot the bugger down.

 

[Realist78]

****ing noisy

****ing noisy

Exactly when did you buy this house under a flightpath? Tonkas didn't arrive yesterday!

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

Exactly when did you buy this house under a flightpath? Tonkas didn't arrive yesterday!

I live here in the hope that one day, I might bring down a tonker with my air rifle.
To date, I've bagged 6 seagulls, 4 starlings and an elderly lame pigeon in my efforts.
I ate well that week. But if I could just bring down one of those big noisy ones that nest up at Marham, I would eat like a king for weeks on end.

 

[Plumber]

I live here in the hope that one day, I might bring down a tonker with my air rifle.
To date, I've bagged 6 seagulls, 4 starlings and an elderly lame pigeon in my efforts.
I ate well that week. But if I could just bring down one of those big noisy ones that nest up at Marham, I would eat like a king for weeks on end.

TUT TUT TUT, Its illegal to shoot Starlings now as they are a protected species.

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

TUT TUT TUT, Its illegal to shoot Starlings now as they are a protected species.

Yeah, but they're so tasty, and besides, the park-keeper has been getting suspicious lately ever since his swans started disappearing.

 

[Plumber]

What there's not enough road kill pheasants (or fresh ones) in those wild country parts?

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

What there's not enough road kill pheasants (or fresh ones) in those wild country parts?

Not by the time I peel my lazy arse off my bed. Didn't I mention I was having a lie in? That's the wonderfull thing about being a civvy again.
By the time I'm up and about, all the local Swampbilly's have been out and taken the roadkill to feed to their young'uns.

 

[DrunkenMonki]

Pentney? You in one of those pikey shacks by the ponds? Shoot a tonca down, the jockie is likely to try and crash land there to avoid damaging anything that matters!

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

Pentney? You in one of those pikey shacks by the ponds? Shoot a tonca down, the jockie is likely to try and crash land there to avoid damaging anything that matters!

Yeah, but then the locals will eat him, while others look on, playing the banjo sinisterly.

 

[DrunkenMonki]

Is a little bit deliverance down there isn't it? glad i got out! Lincoln is much better, although i think the pikey's followed me. Not as noisy though, no swing wing, twin engine arrows of death flying around.

 

[stella]

Will somebody at Marham please tell the idiots in the Tornados to stop flying over my house in Pentney on full afterburner.
I'm trying to have a bloody lie-in here, and some inconsiderate git keeps waking me up again.

Move house then!.......simple

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

Move house then!.......simple

But that would make it harder to take pot-shots at the tonkers with my air rifle. You haven't been paying attention have you?

 

[Tanktops]

Pentney? You in one of those pikey shacks by the ponds?

Ah, Fatwa Sam,
so your plans finally came to fruition...

I trust that you have:
1. A car (ideally a capri) up on bricks in your garden.
2. The flattened-out crisp boxes in where the glass of your house windows should be.
3. A dog on a rope tied to a stick in the garden (beside the car).
4. Numerous small children firebombing the neighbours.
5. (Optional) - Green algae covered caravan, also on bricks, also in the garden.

Good to hear from you again.

I am the crouching genital waver of old Amsterdam...

P.S.
Originally Posted by stella
Move house then!.......simple
/ignore

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

I am the crouching genital waver of old Amsterdam...

Aaaaargh. The image of those dangling clockweights still haunts me to this day.
I believe congratulations are in order for you mate. (the caffeine intolerant sploosher let me in on the secret). I never thought I'd see the day when me old mate and war-comrade would give up sowing his wild oats.

As for the 5 year civilianisation plan.
All elements are now present and correct, however I do like the optional extra you suggested of the mildew covered caravan. Perhaps with one wheel missing?
I'm also working on my first asbo, but as these are a relatively new thing, I'm not entirely sure what I need to be doing to obtain one. I'll get there in the end though.

 

[CodeMonkey]

But that would make it harder to take pot-shots at the tonkers with my air rifle. You haven't been paying attention have you?

Surely you must play fair and let them take pot-shots at your abode, no HE but a couple of concrete "practice" paveways should be ok.

 

[The Almighty Fatwa Sam]

Surely you must play fair and let them take pot-shots at your abode, no HE but a couple of concrete "practice" paveways should be ok.

Ah go on then. They'd probably make the place look a bit tidier, and do a few grands worth of improvements at the same time.
DT_Xtremez_30:

 

[shettie]

Surely you must play fair and let them take pot-shots at your abode, no HE but a couple of concrete "practice" paveways should be ok.

If I remember rightly - you have to live in a converted church - somewhere close to marpants - and it'll be a drop tank they put through your roof... (it should be converted now after the tonka dropped it anyway, Jeez - that was years ago!)

 

[CodeMonkey]

If I remember rightly - you have to live in a converted church - somewhere close to marpants - and it'll be a drop tank they put through your roof... (it should be converted now after the tonka dropped it anyway, Jeez - that was years ago!)

No idea, but i'm sure it made for interesting reading. But as for fatwas post he seems to be happy with what i've suggested. Green light to all the tonka pilots and navs down norfolk way.

 

[Tigger]

Right mate, heres what to do.

Many years ago there was a farmer who had a very similar problem, so he painted his roof an wrote summat similar to 'SOD OFF RAF'. Worked a treat and he was never ever pestered again DT_Xtremez_15:

 

[mumof4]

Right mate, heres what to do.

Many years ago there was a farmer who had a very similar problem, so he painted his roof an wrote summat similar to 'SOD OFF RAF'. Worked a treat and he was never ever pestered again DT_Xtremez_15:

Gawd..i remember that...wasnt sod off that he wrote though.DT_Xtremez_42: ..was sooooo funny.