Help needed, child custody

[WOODERS]

Hi,

I could do with some advice and wondered if anyone had any experience of this...

I'm due to deploy short notice to herrick for 12 weeks. I'm divorced with a 20 month old, I have equally shared custody of my son.

While I'm deployed I want my sister (my NOK) to live in my house and look after my son for the time I would usually have him. My ex is refusing to allow me to do this saying that as soon as I leave the country all my rights as a parent are gone and he is the only person who is allowed to look after our son.

Normally I wouldn't have an issue with him loking after him but he's due to move house and therefore my son will be in a strange house, looked after 7 am- 6 pm by his grandparents who he doesn't know that well. I plan on keeping him in his own home and carrying on a few mornings a week with his childminder who he loves!

Any ideas where I stand on my parental rights?! I really don't want this to end up in court, I've got enough stress deploying!

 

[gemarriott]

I would hope your parental rights would give you a say in your nipper's welfare whilst you are detatched but you need to ask a legal eagle where you stand so you don't make any cock ups taking to your ex.

 

[muttywhitedog]

With all this going on in yours and your son's life, how on earth has your Flt Cdr signed the prep-sheet to say there are no issues that would affect your effectiveness on deployment?

 

[WOODERS]

I've tried speaking with my solicitor and he just says I'll have to go to court. Really want as many facts as I can get before I head down that road as I may be able to convince my ex that going to court will be useless.

When I agreed to a short notice OOA, the divorce and ex was all going pretty smoothly. Its only when I mentioned that I wanted my sister to help out that all the trouble has started. I could back out but I'll only be sent out in 8-12 months and I know that the problem won't go away, my ex will still refuse to have my NOK look after my son.

 

[gemarriott]

I would get a different solicitor! Sorry for being a bit flippant there but he really should outline your options not just tell you to go to court. Have a word with SSAFA as to what your options are.

 

[WOODERS]

Yeah, that was the solicitor that SAFFA suggested! I'll be ringing a few legal helplines tomorrow. Back to the drawing board....

 

[muttywhitedog]

I could back out but I'll only be sent out in 8-12 months and I know that the problem won't go away, my ex will still refuse to have my NOK look after my son.

Better to back out now and get this issue sorted out than end up going sick with stress the week before you go. Whoever is next in line to replace you may not be overly happy about going OOA, but they'd be even less happy at a week's notice.

 

[gemarriott]

Better to back out now and get this issue sorted out than end up going sick with stress the week before you go. Whoever is next in line to replace you may not be overly happy about going OOA, but they'd be even less happy at a week's notice.

got to be good advice!

 

[FootTapper]

List of priorities, ranked in order:



1, Family
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Everything else, including the military.





If you have *any* concerns about the welfare of your child while you would be OOA then (in my opinion) you should be delaying the deployment until you are comfortable. Even ignoring the needs of the military (for you to have your mind on the job) your needs and your family's needs require you to be happy with your child's care before you deploy.



And yeah, get a solicitor who's not an idiot )

 

[Up Sausage]

List of priorities, ranked in order:



1, Family
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.
.
.
.
.
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.
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.
.
.
.
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.
.
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Everything else, including the military.





If you have *any* concerns about the welfare of your child while you would be OOA then (in my opinion) you should be delaying the deployment until you are comfortable. Even ignoring the needs of the military (for you to have your mind on the job) your needs and your family's needs require you to be happy with your child's care before you deploy.



And yeah, get a solicitor who's not an idiot )

Alternatively you could make the decision to come out of the RAF. It's commendable to put your family first, but we all know the consequences of joining the military. I understand that people's circumstances change, I know that if mine changed then I would seriously look at getting out.

 

[muttywhitedog]

I think you'll find the OP has either been and gone on her deployment, or was withdrawn.

Thanks for your comments though - even though they were almost 9 months too late!