Two junior officers on a course at a joint services staff college went to the toilet to use the urinals prior to going to lunch.
The army officer finished first and went to the washbasin and washed his hands. As he was drying them, the RAF officer finished and headed straight for the door. Army said, "I say old chap! At Sandhurst, they teach us to wash our hands after using the toilet."
RAF replied, "Oh! At Cranwell, they teach us not to pee on our hands."
New course of Rock Ape parachutists go up in a Herc to jump for the first time. Instructor stands up and says "Right lads! I know you've been through the drill before, but now we're up in the air, I want go through the drill for the last time.
"When the red light comes on, stand up and hook your cord to the rail, then queue for the doors. When the green light goes on, I'll shout 'GO!' and you'll all jump through them doors smartish.
"Count '1,000, 2,000, 3,000' then pull the main handle smartly and your 'chute will open. Land as instructed then stow the 'chute straight away."
One Rock sticks up his hand and says, "Sarge, what if the 'chute doesn't open?"
"Well, there is another handle here that will open your emergency 'chute."
"But, what if that doesn't work as well?"
Under his breath... "Jeez..." The Sgt replies, "Well just flap your arms and shout 'GERONIMO!"
"Er... who's that then Sarge?" "He's a fcking Indian! Now get ready!"
Red light comes on, and all the Rocks stand up, clip the hooks onto the rail and head for the doors.
Green light comes on and the Sgt shouts "GO! GO! GO!" until they have all left. He then shuts the doors and is about to go to the cockpit when he hears a knocking at one of the doors.
He opens it and sees the same Rock flapping his arms shouting: "What's that Indian's name again, Sarge?"
(As told to my Dad by a Rock Ape whilst he was Duty SNCO at RAF Akrotiri, 1969-1972. No, he wasn't Duty SNCO for 3 years!)
A few years back I told another parachutist joke which was a fusion of the above and one by Billy Connoly:
New course of Rock Ape parachutists go up in a Herc to jump for the first time. Instructor stands up and says "Right lads! I know you've been through the drill before, but now we're up in the air, I want go through the drill for the last time.
"When the red light comes on, stand up and hook your cord to the rail, then queue for the doors. When the green light goes on, I'll shout 'GO!' and you'll all jump through them doors smartish.
"Count '1,000, 2,000, 3,000' then pull the main handle smartly and your 'chute will open. Land as instructed then stow the 'chute straight away."
One nervous Rock sticks up his hand and says, "Sarge, what if the 'chute doesn't open?"
"Well, there is another handle here that will open your emergency 'chute."
"But, what if that doesn't work as well?"
Under his breath... "Jeez..." The Sgt replies, "Well, just pray. Preferably to Allah!"
"Er... but I’m a Christian." "Doesn’t matter! Just pray to Allah."
Red light comes on, and all the Rocks stand up, clip the hooks onto the rail and head for the doors.
Green light comes on and the Sgt shouts: "GO! GO! GO!" until they have all left.
Nervous Rockie counts to 3,000, pulls the main handle and it comes off without opening the main ‘chute. Remembering what the Sgt said, he pulls the emergency handle and sees the ‘chute open and disconnects from him. He’s scudding through the sky, and then starts praying, “ALLAH! ALLAH! SAVE ME, SAVE ME, PLEASE!”
A giant black hand appears in the sky catches him and lowers him gently to the ground.
Greatly relieved, the Rock Ape says to himself, “Thank Christ for that!”
A giant black foot appears out of the blue and goes ‘BOOMF!’ squashes him flat.
DT_Xtremez_30:
