Emergency Banter

[Grrrr]

As the sole RAF in an Army unit at a time when the "utterly, utterly useless" phrase is being used on a daily basis, does anyone know of a website with RAF centric emergency banter? I've used all my usual stock!DT_Xtremez_25:

 

[Inch High PI]

Well i too work on an army dominated unit. I find "fook off pongo mong" usually works.

 

[Fearless Leader]

There's also variations of the recruiting tagline Army... Be the Best!

Army... Be Depressed.

Army... Be a Pest was quite apt for one pongo I was on det with.

 

[PiMpMyRiDe]

More banter

More banter

You have probably used the following:

Army - Dig in

Navy - Join in

RAF - Check in

If not, always useful as emergency banter DT_Xtremez_28:

 

[Marshalloftheraf]

Army ... Wear a Vest

Army ... Love Incest

Army ... Be a anally retentive tosser who has no faith in the ability of his/her troops ability to eat a meal without the duty officer checking!

 

[PiMpMyRiDe]

Army ... Wear a Vest

Army ... Love Incest

Army ... Be a anally retentive tosser who has no faith in the ability of his/her troops ability to eat a meal without the duty officer checking!

A few more:

Army - failed the test

Army - unimpressed!!

Army - unwelcome guest

Army - over-stressed

 

[vim_fuego]

Would continually mentioning the size of your pay packet not help? Works for me in my joint environment...Unless I'm bitching against a submariner and lets face it they fooking deserve every penny.

 

[mad_collie]

The phrase 'I want to use my brain for something other than stopping a bullet' always goes down well with our brown hatted colleagues.

 

[Tigger]

I spent two months attached to the Pioneer Corp for Saif Saree II. I took great delight in reminding the troop commander and Sgt how much I was being paid, even though they out ranked me.
The other thing they couldn't handle with RAF lads was our ability to use our initiative and generally think for ourselves.

 

[shiny_arse]

As the sole RAF in an Army unit at a time when the "utterly, utterly useless" phrase is being used on a daily basis, does anyone know of a website with RAF centric emergency banter? I've used all my usual stock!DT_Xtremez_25:

To use a quote that my 9 yr old is is currently spouting try

"I know you are but what am I"

She thinks it hilarious until I ground the smart assed bitch!!

 

[hazard]

Good one if you are working with the Artillery......

A retired Army officer and his wife visit the doctor because he is not feeling too well. The doctor takes one look at him and says: Right Major, I need a blood sample, a urine sample and stool sample and also a semen sample.

The Army officer (who is a little hard of hearing) cups his hand to his ear and says "Pardon?", at which point his wife turns to him and says: " He wants your pyjamas".....

Makes me laugh anyway.::/:

 

[Kipper]

The true meaning of ARMY

The true meaning of ARMY

A-ir force
R-ejected
M-e
Y-esterday

The above works, or just remind them that they were too stupid to go to a Careers Office on their own initiantive and just followed the person in front.

 

[Penguins Suck]

Right yous listen in teld thems armies blokes them shud have joined an elite corp like the RAF regtiment

 

[MeerKat]

Try these....

Try these....

First off, if it's got to emergency banter stage then a simple F*** Off should do the trick.
Then again, you could always turn one of their own insults back at them with a short "I don't care if you live, die, or grow grass up your crack, just f*** Off". Had this said to me once by an army zob and it shut me up for long enough.
And to end, there is always the "Why don't you just take your sillyarsed problem down the corridor, perchance you find someone who actually gives a sh1t".
That one tickles me as well.

 

[Allah]

Armeeeeee

Armeeeeee

O Beloved and Devoted One. Truly your faith and courage must be sorely tested amidst the unclean ones of the footslogging brethen.
Have faith and remind the worthless ones that they should have worked harder at school. Particularly when speaking to someone senior.
Talk loudly about hotels what you have stayed in. Discuss the merits of various club class lounges. Ponder openly how to utilise all those air miles you have accrued (even if you dont have any)
And Virtuous Believer, if necessary, live up to the utterly utterly useless tag. Self fulfilling prophesy and all that. Turn up late for work. Leave early. Take Wednesday afternoons off for sporting and cultural activities. Take all the stand downs promulgated by your parented RAF unit (PMA if necessary)
So is your Task, so shall it be completed
ME AU AKHBAR

 

[boozwoir]

Some of the many things that go down well with the Army's IC.....

- Colluding with the boss (if sky or navy Blue, Navy enjoy pongo baiting as much as us) so when they hand out the Corporal stripes, they are actually put inside a small cereal packet.

- Reminding that same corporal that you are on Level 9 JT/SAC which actually pays better than his Level 1 Corporal.

- Point out that you a) trained him and b) QC his work.

Might started using Kipper's acronym for ARMY now!

 

[Diminished Responsibility]

intelligent army

intelligent army

A soldier, airman and seaman get caught by insurgents in Iraq and are held captive in separate rooms. Their captors, not being too nasty, offer to let them go if they can show them a trick with two ball bearings the next day. They are given two ball bearings each.
The next day arrives and the airman shows a nice display of juggling and balancing. Impressed by this he is freed by his captors.
The seaman amazes his captors with conjuring tricks. He also is released.
The soldier is taken before his captors and does nothing.
“You foolish dog why do you not perform like your comrades.” Asks his captor.
Looking embarrassed the soldier replies. “I can not” replies the soldier “I lost one of the ball bearings and broke the other”.
ARMY BE DEPRESSED