Do I read between the Lines ?????

[TACAN]

Wasn't sure where to post this - but may as well venture into the lions den ......

Received this from my partner at the end of one of our thrice-daily emails. (I'm working away from home )

Do you think I have missed something ??? Should I ask Sausage2 for advice ??? DT_Xtremez_35:


How woman think about Men
--------------------------
1. What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
2. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One...men will screw anything.
3. How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
4. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
5. What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
6. How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.
7. How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
8. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Government bonds mature.
9. How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off of his head.
10. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up.
11. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know, it's never been done.
12. How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are
handicapped.
13. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
14. What's a man's idea of a seven course meal?
A Kebab and a six-pack of beer.
15. What's a man's idea of helping you with the housework?
Picking up his feet so you can hoover.
16. What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
17. What's the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding, scum-sucker, and the other is a fish!
18. What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
19. What do you have when you have two balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
20. What are the two reasons why men don't mind their business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
21. Why did God create man?
Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
22. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
He knows firsthand the penalty for early withdrawal.
23. Why are men like laxatives?
They both irritate the sh!t out of you.
24. If a man got pregnant...
Abortion would be available in convenient stores and drive-thru
windows.
25. Why do men name their penises?
They want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes
all of their decisions.
26. Why is it so hard for women to find a man who is sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.
27. Did you hear about the man who won a gold medal at The Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
28. Why do men like masturbation?
It's sex with someone they love.
29. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
30. What is gross stupidity?
144 men in the same room.
31. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
32. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three: One to hold the pan, and two others to show off and
shake the stove.
33. What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
34. How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy But Wearable."

 

[MoggyCattermole]

Its just a joke mate,

Why not send her back this ..

What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections ?? .. A whine and cheese party.

Or this ..

What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist ?? .. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Might I suggest ..

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I will never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the roots .. and still be afraid of a spider.

Or if you really want to test her sense of humour ..

Why Beer Is Better Than Women ...

You can enjoy a beer all month long.

Beer stains wash out.

You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play ball.

If your beer is flat, you can toss it out.

Beer is never late.

A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

A hangover will go away.

Beer labels come off without a fight.

When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

A beer never has a headache.

A beer will never nag you.

A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.

If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

A beer always goes down easy.

You can share a beer with friends.

You always know if you're the first one to pop a beer.

A beer is always wet.

A beer doesn't demand equality.

You can have a beer in public.

A beer doesn't care what time you come home.

A frigid beer is a good beer.

You don't have to wash a beer for it to taste good.

If you decide to change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.

 

[TACAN]

Thanks for that Moggs. I have cut and pasted your observations into my latest email and await the inevitable response. DT_Xtremez_42:

 

[MoggyCattermole]

Thanks for that Moggs. I have cut and pasted your observations into my latest email and await the inevitable response. DT_Xtremez_42:

Be a Man .. she should be able to take a joke if she can dish it out .. if she complains tell her that only a perfectly cooked full english breakfast will suffice as compensation for her crap sexist joke.

Then have sex with her.

Then make her clean your house .. naked


That should do it.

 

[Scaley brat]

Na, you're right Moggs

I should buck up and try and grow a pair.

I've just been out a while and softened up a lot.

What I need is a belly full of Warstiener and a point to get accross.

Quitting calling her your partner would be a good start. A partner is a bummer's other half as far as I'm concerned.
A woman is a wife or other half, the man ALWAYS being the better half of course. As you can tell mrs brat doesn't read the Goat DT_Xtremez_15:

 

[True Blue Jack]

I just don't see the wood for the trees these days.

A man is better at some things but not all.

I guess I'm just neutral in the sense.

I just love life and stuff.

That's true. I'm cr@p at ironing, hoovering, bathing the kids, things like that. Give me a six-pack and the Sky remote and I'm World Champion!!

 

[BufferBird]

That's true. I'm cr@p at ironing, hoovering, bathing the kids, things like that. Give me a six-pack and the Sky remote and I'm World Champion!!

Spoken like a true man!!!

 

[Scaley brat]

I just don't see the wood for the trees these days.

A man is better at some things but not all.

I guess I'm just neutral in the sense.

I just love life and stuff.

If my previous post appeared frivolous, I apologise. Allow me to clarify what I meant.
The word partner, outside of business use, has been hijacked by the gay police. Like the word gay itself, this term has been redefined to force recognition of gay relationships in the eyes of others. If you feel a need to legitemise your relationship, I fear it is YOU who are ashamed of YOURSELF and what others think is not an issue. I have the utmost respect for mrs brat and all people who choose to spend their life with another person to achieve a common goal, however I don't find being called a husband denigrating, I didn't find being called a fiance denigrating either. The only people who have an issue with "branding" are the GAY people and guess what, in Wales right now the word gay is being used by the "Youf" of today as slang for something that is WRONG. They can hijack whatever word they like, but their low regard will remain until they change their own attitudes.

 

[gemarriott]

I'm good to go with all of that.

I guess I just sit on the fence with stuff these days.

Man who sit on fence!
Get splinter in arse!

Old chinese sayingDT_Xtremez_19:

 

[TACAN]

OK then, as the feckwitt who started this thread it's probably time I put my point across. Joking aside, and that's what our daily emails are usually all about - although they do sometime get a bit pointed - see below - I would just like to explain why I/we use the term partner. I realise that the word has been hi-jacked - along with probably most of the english language - but I will offer you the definition from Webster's Dictionary : PARTNER

1 : one that shares
2 a : one associated with another especially in an action :
2 b : either of two persons who dance together
2 c : one of two or more persons who play together in a game against an opposing side
2 d : a person with whom one shares an intimate relationship : one member of a couple
3 : a member of a partnership especially in a business;
4 : one of the heavy timbers that strengthen a ship's deck to support a mast -- usually used in plural.

As it happens, I can tick all the boxes except number 4, although I have sometimes been called a 'plank' but I'm not sure that counts...........

Each to his/her own - we use partner, because that's what we are and are happy to use the word. If/when the situation changes and partner becomes Missus - she will still be my partner.....

Anyway, in response to a pretty crappy sketch of a Female brain I pasted into an email I sent her, I got this GIF of the Male Brain back - which I think is pretty damned spot on.................DT_Xtremez_30:

View attachment 1503

 

[Scaley brat]

In response I offer you the definition from SB's Dictionary : PARTNER

1 : one that shares
2 a : one associated with another especially in anal :
2 b : either of two persons who felch together
2 c : a person who bat's for the other side !
2 d : a person with whom one shares an intimate relationship with a member of the same sex
3 : a member of a gay partnership.

See a common factor here ?

Each to his/her own - we use partner, because that's what we are and are happy to use the word. If/when the situation changes and partner becomes Missus - she will still be my partner.....

Only if your a bird too, I'm sorry TACAN. Partner = gay !
It's yet another word they have tried to hijack to force acceptance of their lifestyle.
It doesn't matter what word they use it is the way it used never changes. when you say gay with the same vehemence as queer or f@ggot what's the difference. To be totally frank with you, I don't hate gays, I have nothing to fear from them and they have no interest in me. The ones I do hate are the disease spreading fcukers who can't make up their minds and spread HIV between their male and female lovers. Without them it would have remained a gay plague that even lesbians would have been safe from.

Mod's if you require me to edit as it's not in pig's bar or fight club, then let me know and I'll do so

 

[TACAN]

Hmmm. Sorry SB can't agree with everything you say but, never mind. As I say, each to his / her own. 'Partner' meant exactly what I said above in the Websters definition, long before any gay connotation came along and will probably remain that way. You interpret things in life as you see them, and as you wish to see them. No problem. DT_Xtremez_26: